It may surprise you to learn that the world’s “leading dating expert for women” is, in fact, a man.
For six years Matthew Hussey has been dishing out advice for ladies looking for love. He’s written books with painfully long-winded titles like Get the Guy: Learn Secrets of the Male Mind to Find the Man You Want and the Love You Deserve, a New York Times best-seller, apparently.
He hosts seminars, has a range of handy downloadable how-to guides (How to Talk to Men, Get Him Running Back to You: The 5 Simple Steps to Win Your Ex Back Fast!) and nearly half a million subscribers on YouTube. Apparently, he’s the Go-To-Guy for all you modern dating dilemmas. Like a real-life Carrie Bradshaw, but with a Y chromosome and a British accent.
Only US$47, bargain! Source: Get The Guy
Anyway, he was recently asked to shed some light on the question that's apparently still plaguing modern-day daters: "When you're on a date who should pay?"
Here's what he had to say on the matter (post continues after video):
He started by throwing the question back at the room of women from whence it came. Their collective answer? MEN.
"He's supposed to pay, but you're supposed to have sex with him whenever he says?," Hussey countered, with an analogy as bafflingly simplistic as it is sexist.
"Where does this double standard come from? I'm sorry, it's the reality. You can moan about it all you want, but the moment you say to a guy you have to f*cking pay for my time, you're saying this relationship isn't equal... I wonder what paradigm that sets up.
"Here's my view: If you go on a date with a guy and you don't offer to pay your share, you weren't taught right. If you go on a date and he doesn't pay, he wasn't taught right. If I was dating someone and they never offered to pay, I would not be dating them."
He then goes on to explain he would always treat his partner "how I treat my best friend"(implying your partner and best friend aren't one and the same) adding a caveat about proportional incomes and a distressing example in which an imaginary woman earns one fifth of her imaginary boyfriend's wage, "let me tell you what means something to a guy; trying".
Sure, it's 2016, dating is confusing and hard (Tinder, the Internet! etc.) but assuming for a moment you're a straight woman, going on a date with a straight man and the pair of you happen to be going out for a meal and calling it 'a date', there's really no hard and fast rule for who should be paying (ignoring also the premise Hussey's entire career based selling relationships based on a series of successful ploys).
Talk amongst yourselves, figure it out, pay what you can or what you feel like paying. If someone offers to buy you dinner, take it (free dinner!), but if they don't, it's definitely not a 'deal-breaker'.
To be honest, everything about this whole dilemma is painfully backwards, but if we're going to indulge it for a minute longer, maybe the female party should be paying .75 on every dollar the male party contributes, until somebody fixes that god d*mn gender pay gap.
Top Comments
I'm a big believer in splitting bills equally on dates, but if he insists to pay fully after I've offered then I'm not gonna say no.
I always offer though.
In saying that, my friend went on a Tinder Date once where the guy picked her up, he pulled into the servo and filled up his car, only to find he had "forgotten" his wallet - she paid for the fuel, and when they got to the restaurant she covered both of their meals.
Apparently he was very apologetic and genuine.
Personally, I would've gone for the family-emergency-bailout call at the petrol station.
Couldn't agree with him more - I've always offered to pay myself and never just expected it to be a "man thing". My bestie on the other hand, EXPECTS the man to pay for at least the first 3 dates, before she will offer which I've always thought was just wrong. Needless to say, I don't think she's got past 2nd date for years now ...