Explain to me: Why is everyone talking about some guy called Alex from Target?

This is one of those times when you are completely justified in thinking, “Doesn’t the internet ever stop? Why do I have to keep caring about this stupid stuff on the internet? I’m so tired. Sometimes I just want to curl up on the sofa with a family size bag of microwaveable popcorn and have some goddamn peace from the cats in boxes, the man with two penises and the teenagers planking, OK?”

You may indeed be justified in thinking that but on this occasion you are not justified in looking away. Well, not just yet.

If you’ve been on said internet today, you may have noticed everyone talking about #AlexFromTarget. That’s because while you were sleeping, 449,000 teenagers became obsessed with this guy called Alex. He works at Target.

Here’s Alex. At Target. Where he works.

Perplexed? Confused? Mildly disinterested in this good looking teenage boy’s overnight fame? Let’s go through how it happened step by step, so we can fake our way through a conversation at the water cooler later this afternoon.

1. Explain to me who this human being is and why I should care. I told you, I don’t have time for this, so make it quick.

OK. A teenage girl took this photo of a cute Target employee and put it on Twitter. Hundreds of thousands of teenage girls retweeted that photo, and now this guy is famous. As you probably know by now, teenage girls are the most powerful and terrifying group of people on the planet. They choose to obsess over one dreamy checkout guy, and that dreamy checkout guy becomes a celebrity immediately. So that’s what happened.

2. Wait, so this is seriously just some guy who works at Target?

Well, yes. Alex has not done anything noteworthy, other than having a pleasant arrangement of features on his face. He looks like all the members of One Direction rolled into one. But, yeah, strictly speaking, he is a Target employee and regular teenager.

Here’s one of the biggest corporations in the world, getting in on the #AlexFromTarget hashtag:

3. There’s no reason he’s famous? He doesn’t sing or act or anything? What’s his X Factor?

We are not currently aware of any talents Alex has, other than packing bags diligently.

4. How is this guy dealing with this sudden onslaught fame?

For the most part, he’s loving it sick. What cherub-cheeked teenage boy wouldn’t?

Oh, except for the part where hordes of teenage girls are threatening his girlfriend. That’s not an ideal situation for him, or his lovely girlfriend called Lindsey. Lindsey’s even more confused about being famous, because all she did was agree to go on some dates with some guy who works at Target and maybe holds her hand sometimes.

Here are just a couple of tweets Lindsey has received in the past few hours:

Mmmm. As we said, teenage girls with wifi are the most terrifying sub-group currently in existence. If only we could find a way to harness teenage girl lust as an alternative energy source…

5. My son/cousin/friend works at Target and has a nice face. Should I be concerned for his safety?

Potentially. Perhaps you should strongly suggest he try to look less dreamy than Alex while packaging reasonably priced goods.

6. Is that everything I need to know about #AlexFromTarget? Can I go back to living my life now?

Yes. Yes, please do! Alex from Target probably can’t go back to his normal life — we bet you $1597 he appears on the Ellen Show within a week — but we’re sure he’d want you to just keep living. You know?

UPDATE: What’s that? We were absolutely correct and Alex From Target has already appeared on The Ellen Show?

YEAH WE ARE:

A photo posted by Ellen (@theellenshow) on Nov 11, 2014 at 4:00pm PST