A few weeks ago we decided to use our last remaining embryo. Our one, genetically untested, six-day-old frozen embryo, the only embryo from our last IVF stem cycle. Honestly we were just using it as a matter of course, we didn’t have high hopes for this tiny little life, when all others had tested abnormal or hadn’t survived.
This was the one that hadn’t grown enough to be tested. The unknown one. We had it transferred and tried to get on with things while we waited for the results of our pregnancy test. Of course by the time this day came two weeks later we hoped, you can never not hope, but we were realistic, the chances of it working were slim, especially after all this time, and all these cycles.
The results came back.... POSITIVE!
How was this possible? It must have been a mistake. How could it have been positive? How was I finally pregnant? We tried to be realistic. The only other time I had fallen pregnant from IVF our follow-up blood tests didn't rise like they should have, and I miscarried within a short time. We reminded ourselves that might happen again this time. We were cautiously optimistic. Don't tell people just in case, don't get too excited, we told ourselves.
Our second blood test a week later was great, things were looking better. Perhaps we could share our news? Our third bloods a week after that were right on track, perfect. Then the pregnancy symptoms started to kick in. Do you know how good it feels to finally actually feel pregnant? The tiredness, sickness and constant peeing meant it felt real. It wasn't just a number on a scale.
We started booking in appointments and scans. Making plans. Bringing out the baby things. I ordered some things on the internet. I wrote lists of what I had, what we needed. Where did we put that list of baby names we had selected last time? I downloaded the pregnancy app. Six weeks gestation, our baby is the size of a lentil. Amazing.
Top Comments
Carly, I am so sorry to hear about your pain and heartache. Life can be so unfair.
I have recently gone down the path of foster care, and while my decision has been for different reasons, I know a number of other foster carers who have chosen to care for a child in need, after a similar journey to yours when they realised they could not have children of their own.
Foster care isn't suited to everyone, given its complexities, and I'm sure that you're not emotionally ready yet, but it could be an option for you and your husband down the track to be the amazing parents you have dreamed of being.
It seems so unfair that people like you and your husband so desperately want a child, when other parents have children and fail to care for them properly. Sadly there are so many children even here in Australia who need love, safety and support.
Carly you write beautifully, thank you for sharing- you've helped me more thoroughly understand what other couples must go through. I really hope you find peace & your story ends with an unexpected pregnancy just like Deb Knight. Sending you and your partner love and light Carly.