'I've lost my job five times. Here's what I've learned.'

Being made redundant kind of sucks.

I know this because it’s happened to me. Actually it happened like… five times. Before I had even turned 40.

Yes, that is far too many times to have lost your job at age 37, and yes, I am way too young to be this experienced at Starting Over.

But in the industry I chose for myself all those years ago, when my eyes were still bright and my tail still bushy (print media, FYI), job losses have sadly become par for the course in recent years. As they have in many industries, frankly.

(I personally blame that whole pandemic drama, wasn't that a kick in the d**k?)

Anyway, I never thought I'd get used to losing my job (and trust me, it's not a ride I'm keen to take again) — but when I started to average *checks notes* a redundancy per year, I realised I... kind of developed a knack for it??

(Just for the record, I don't absolutely suck at what I do. From company closures to mergers and downsizing, I just seemed to be in the wrong place at the wrong time... a lot of the time.)

Watch: The star signs when there's a problem at work. Post continues after video.

I don't want you to think I'm blasé about this whole job loss thing. Not at all. There’s absolutely no question that finding yourself without work is huge, especially at a time like now (hello, cozzie livs) — and a job loss can be absolutely devastating.

It was for me, the first time. And the second. Aaand the third...

By the fifth 'don't let the door hit you on the way out' etc, it definitely still stung, I'm not going to lie. And if it happens another five times (please don't let it happen another five times) it will… still feel pretty sh*tty.

But I don’t think it’s wildly out of line to say that, by the last time I was shown the door, I’d gotten kind of... good at being made redundant?? (Weird humble brag, sort of? Idk). And I'd definitely learnt a few key things along the way that have helped me through those tough times.

Lost your job? Listen to the hosts of The Quicky discuss what the f**k to do next. Post continues below.

Repeat after me: It's not your fault.

Whether it was a company close-down, a staffing restructure or some other reason, being made redundant feels pretty awful. It’s as if the business you’ve worked your butt off for (Rhe late nights! The weekends in the office!) is basically saying:

"It’s not me, it’s you."

Ouch.

But what I finally wrapped my head around is that it actually wasn’t me. And if it’s a genuine redundancy, it’s prooooobably not you either.

(Disclaimer: If you’ve been fired because you rock up two hours late every day, take long boozy lunches, yell at your workmates and don’t actually do any work, it actually might be you.)

You wonder what you could’ve done differently, how much harder you could’ve worked, why you weren’t good enough… It feels like you, personally, have failed.

But that's just incorrect.

You were good enough. You are good enough. I was and am, too.

The point is, it’s not even about being 'good enough', or the effort or the years or the proverbial blood, sweat and (occasionally literal) tears you’ve put in.

It’s not even about you, really — even though it’s you who still has rent/a mortgage to pay, a family to feed. It feels personal, because you *personally* are going through it, but it’s really about businesses bettering their bottom dollar. And, yes, it flippin' sucks but, sadly, the ‘human-ness’ of it all isn’t factored into most companies’ costings.

Which brings me to my next point…

Take Elsa's advice.

Yes, I’m talking about our Frozen queen. Say it with me now:

Let. It. Go.

I know, I know — this is so much easier said than done.

It’s hard. Like, REALLY hard. I get it. Did I want to lose jobs I loved five times over? Of course not. Did I get any say in the matter? Also, no.

I had zero control, and in a world where we get to have our say on So Very Many Things — from who we spend time with to where we go and what we do/eat/wear/say/think/buy/love/hate and on and on and on — having control of something as massive as our livelihood rudely prised from our fingers can come as a huge shock to the system.

I’m not saying you should ignore the hurt, the anger, the fact that you feel like you’ve just been shafted by the company/the universe/the god you do or don't believe in. You’ve got to feel your feelings to move through them, so don’t suppress that.

But at the same time, in my experience, trying to wrench back control of any situation that’s legitimately outside your power (like, say, your entire department closing down and the company not having any jobs available to slot you into) will just do your head in.

Taking control of the things I could (like annoying HR with endless questions about the process and getting politely up in their faces about any new roles that might be popping up), plus letting go of the parts I couldn’t control (eg. that there "just isn’t a job here that fits your expertise anymore"), helped me feel a bit less like my future was completely in someone else’s hands.

Prepare for the worst.

This sounds doom and gloom, but hear me out. The fact is, in an unstable industry (and don't they all feel that way right now?), you’ve got to be ready for the s**t to hit the fan at any moment.

I’m not saying live in fear — that would be boring and sad and scary and it’s not going to do you any favours at all. Who wants to live like that? But when the world is changing around you, you’ve got to keep up. I'm talking about upskilling, friends, and the internet is jam-packed with courses and workshops galore (from reputable places, too, not just Insta spruikers) who are just gagging to help you add more lines to your CV.

Just because your employment future looks as stable as an IKEA table (hey, I have had mine for 10 years and it is going strong), upskilling is never a bad idea — even if redundancy never comes your way (you lucky thing).

Something better is (probably) coming.

Well, now, this is just science. According to one study* (*Me. I am the study. It's a small sample size), every time one is relieved of one’s job, something even better comes along. It happened in 100 per cent of cases in this extremely valid and scientific experiment, and science doesn’t lie.

But seriously…

Look, I hate sayings like, "Everything happens for a reason", "One door closes and a better one opens," and all that jazz. They annoy the hell out of me. And I’m not trying to say it’s fate if you've been made redundant, because that's BS and diminishes the complexity and severity of the situation.

But.

If you can make a choice to reframe the negative into something more positive by looking at potential opportunities it’s presenting you (this could be the perfect time to embark on that dream of opening a shop that fell by the wayside while you were busy being an accountant!), you can start to feel like you're taking back control of your future. (Remember that chestnut from earlier?)

Focusing on opportunities can help make it easier to keep moving forward — and you might just find yourself happier than ever six months down the track.

Alix Nicholson is Mamamia's Senior Weekend Editor. Want to hear more from her? Head on over to her Instagram or follow her on TikTok.

Feature image: Supplied.

This article was originally published in April 2023 and has since been updated.

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