One mum gets honest about what pregnancy is really like.

I’ve always been a little weary about being too vocal in regards to how bad I’m feeling while I am pregnant. I know there are people out there struggling to conceive or who simply cannot have children so please know this is not intended to upset or offend anybody. I’ve seen celebrities and public figures get flamed for expressing how they really feel. Truth is, like me, they’re not out to upset anybody.

I would never go as far as saying I hate being pregnant, hate is a strong word. I just have a problem with the way it is portrayed in the media and in the movies.

I wish women would be more open and honest when it comes to pregnancy.

For me, pregnancy sucked a bag of dicks.

If you had the perfect pregnancy and enjoyed every moment, I envy you. I turn into a total psycho. Am a bawling mess one minute, completely irrational the next and then in fits of rage within seconds. Sometimes I feel like I need to walk around with an ‘approach with caution’ sign around my neck. I have to bite my tongue while skimming my Facebook feed.

Being pregnant IS an exciting time, you’re growing life – you’re going to have a baby! But your body goes ‘stuff you’.

You see, the truth about pregnancy is: every pregnancy is different.  Hence why I wanted to share my experience and thoughts on the topic.

The first trimester took me by surprise, I don’t know if I’m just ignorant, or if no one talks about it openly and honestly. I was tired, so tired – all of the time. In fact, I still am even in the second trimester. Not just tired, exhausted. I am puffing and out of breath from walking up six stairs. I am so light-headed and dizzy ALL of the time, I would often need to just take a moment and sit. I had the worst heartburn with Baxter from probably the 3rd trimester until he was out, nothing helped it and it was so bad to the point I wanted to vomit. My boobs feel like they’ve been injected with quick setting concrete. Don’t even get me started on the excruciating back pain.

Everybody tells you it get better after the first trimester? Mmmm, yeah, I guess – you don’t feel as bad but you still feel pretty bad.

Tired. Exhausted. Sore.

Here’s just a few things I can think of off the top of my head, I know with my current baby brain I will forget a bunch but I will no doubt remember over the coming months:

• I can’t see my vagina anymore. In fact, I can’t see anything down there and I’m not even sure I want to.
• Your immune system is borderline non-existent, so expect to get sick at least once throughout your pregnancy.
• You will lose all dignity in the delivery room (if not before).
• Skin tags – I didn’t even know what the fuck these were until I got pregnant.
• Glow? What glow? Yeah, that’s a combination of sweat and my new found oily skin.
• Shaving my legs? Ha, I don’t think so. Everybody down there becomes a scene from Where the Wild Things Are from 30+ weeks.
• Your sense of smell will be through the roof. Reuben just doesn’t get it but I know the rubbish needs to go out as soon as I walk into the house. I can also tell you there is clearly meat in there cos it reeks. Like a blood hound. They should hire pregnant woman at airports.
• You might get itchy skin – by god, under my bra line, at the top of my belly used to get so damn itchy with Baxter it drove me crazy and my doctor thought I was crazy.
• My body temp was all kinds of fucked up, sweaty mess one minute and freezing the next.
• You might get haemorrhoids (I thankfully didn’t).
• Your feet may swell.
• Your boobs will get huge. I went from a 12C to a 14DD. Even after a small stint of breastfeeding, my tits are still huge in comparison to what they used to be.
• You will crave things – food, sex, weird things.
• You live in the most unflattering clothes for the duration of your pregnancy. Krumping tees and sweatpants are my go-to.
• You will get randoms touching your belly and saying the stupidest stuff to you.
• You will gain weight; it’s totally normal so don’t be so hard on yourself.
• You will have gas – by god, ask Reuben, my pregnancy farts are repulsive.
• Discharge – that is all I will say on the matter.
• You will likely want a tonne of sex or none at all.
• The bump doesn’t disappear as soon as baby is out. I wish.
• You will lose friends and gain new ones.
• Bladder control, what bladder control? I have to cross my legs when I sneeze these days after just 1 baby. Kegels smeagals.

There you have it. A little pregnancy bible from my point of view. For me, I lost complete control of my body, this little human had completely taken it over and sucked every last little bit of nutrients I had.

Coming into round two, I am so much better prepared. My body never bounced back after number one so how much damage can number two do?

This is an edited version of a post which first appeared on New Mum Club and has been republished with permission. You can see more on Facebook.

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