'Teens and tweens are missing from the conversation about social media. So I spoke to 100 of them.'

As a social researcher and a mum, my world has started to overlap in ways I didn't expect.

My kids and their generation have become the centre of my curiosity. Lately, I've been following the heated debate on social media bans, and what really hits home for me is this: despite all the expert voices, one crucial set of people remain unheard…the young people who live it every day.

Their experiences matter, and I think it's time we really listen.

I recently had the chance to find out their thoughts, as Youngkind's latest study included conversations with 100 10 to 16-year-olds to get closer to their experience of growing up against a backdrop of tech and social media.

It's become clear that the real issue isn't about bans, it's about preparing kids for a digital world that's already shaping their future.

Watch: Two mums with very different opinions speak up about the social media ban for kids. Post continues after video.

What kids really think about social media.

Young people today are growing up in a world dominated by social media, artificial intelligence, and digital landscapes. Laptops/tablets have replaced notebooks, online communities have replaced study groups. Even journalism now relies on social media for its 'news' content. It is inescapable.

There is a wisdom, that comes with our youth having access to more information at their fingertips than ever before - which I'm sure any mum can attest to the surprising knowledge and opinions that come out of kids' mouths. They've got more mature views of the world than we sometimes give them credit for, and we've seen that play out in how they talk about social media. While they acknowledge social media's risks to mental health, stemming from what psychologists dub "comparisonitis" and bullying, they don't believe banning specific apps is the solution. Instead, they're calling for controlled access, paired with education and guidance.

They see technology as integral to their lives, especially in how they learn and connect with the world around them. Shared interests with online communities can create acceptance and belonging, no matter where you live in the world. Limiting access, they argue, would deprive them of opportunities to learn through lived experiences and develop the digital skills needed to navigate an increasingly tech-driven world.

As one 14-year-old shared, "Social media gives you the opportunity to learn about how the world works, it helps you make connections with other people online, and helps you learn about the dangers of the online world and how to protect against them."

A 15-year-old added, "I think age restrictions are smart, but they stop kids from understanding it until they're older. Kids need to learn and be prepared for the future and oncoming consequences, so they need to know at a younger age."

Empowering positive experiences of social media to kids.

Having watched older siblings navigate platforms like Instagram and TikTok, kids have learned that social media can be both empowering and harmful. While they can see both sides, many still view bans as geared towards a minority while disadvantaging those who have positive, supervised experiences.

One 13-year-old shared, "Using social media makes me feel happy because it's just a bit fun. I think it's good for my friendships as we all have it, so it makes us all feel connected."

This is especially true for those benefiting from parental supervision. A 12-year-old explained, "I think this can be a bit silly as some kids do have social media platforms monitored by their parents. And if that's the case, then that should be fine, and I feel like that's acceptable."

Should we ban social media for kids?

Rather than pouring all our energy into establishing and enforcing age bans, the real opportunity lies in offering active guidance. The responsibility shouldn't fall solely on tech companies—parents, schools, and government education programs all have a vital role to play. The focus should be on setting healthy boundaries, fostering self-regulation, and teaching kids how to balance their online interactions with real-life connections.

The young people we heard from emphasised the importance of transparency and communication, recognising that an environment of trust with adults is key to navigating social media safely. They value the opportunity to openly share their experiences and seek advice, especially when things go wrong online.

One 15-year-old explained, "I'd 100 per cent allow social media for kids under 16 but with restrictions and parental control."

Another noted, "If safeguards are implemented against bullying, kids could have a much better time on social media. It allows them to use it but with a trusted adult who knows what's going on if anything bad happens."

Listen to The Quicky where we talk more about the social media ban. Post continues after video.

The impact of inconsistencies in parental supervision.

However, the level of supervision each experience often depends on how their parents approach technology, leading to inconsistencies. Kids pointed out that supervision standards vary greatly among their friendship groups. Some parents impose stricter rules, while others take a more relaxed approach. As a 13-year-old child explained, "My parents have set rules because they're trying to protect me, but some of my friends' parents aren't strict at all."

Those with stricter parents often recognise these rules as fair, especially when they're aware of the risks. An 11-year-old kid shared, "I'm not allowed on any inappropriate apps or sites. These rules protect me from the bad stuff out there."

In other cases, some parents rely more on trust than on strict controls, with their supervision based on individual relationships with their children. As a 13-year-old person noted, "I don't have many rules about my phone usage. My parents trust me not to spend too much time on it. I also think my unlimited screen time is mainly due to the fact that my mum doesn't know how to set up parental controls."

Some kids not only recognise but also empathise with the fact that navigating the online world can be just as challenging for adults. One 16-year-old shared, "I think it's an appropriate step towards caution because social media can be unsafe, and you don't know what people, like kids, are scrolling through. You just don't know. And even for parents, you can't necessarily patrol or whatever because anything could come up and such."

This empathy reflects emotional maturity, as kids understand the difficulties their parents face. At the same time, some young people already find ways to take advantage of their parents' lack of digital literacy or outsmart parental controls. This awareness opens the door for parents and kids to work together, learning from each other to improve digital skills and foster a closer, more supportive relationship when navigating the online world.

What should parents do instead of banning social media for their kids?

Open communication is key.

At the heart of it, the key is keeping lines of communication open with adults, rather than imposing bans - especially those that push kids to go underground.

We've already heard at the Social Media and Australia Society inquiry how a potential ban may have unintended outcomes that are worse than the status quo, with three in four young people turning to social media to support their mental health.

Many we spoke with argued that even if bans are implemented, some kids will find ways around them, leading to secrecy. When kids feel they have to hide their social media use, they lose the most important safety net: the ability to openly trust and share concerns with adults.

As one 14-year-old put it, "Even if this was implemented, there's no way of stopping it. People can fake their age, use other people's accounts, or create fake identities. There's not really a way of stopping it at this point."

Without social media, kids may feel a void in their connections, leading to emotional or behavioural instability. "People might become erratic when they lose access to social media because they didn't realise how much it influenced their lives," one 13-year-old noted.

So, why is the need for guidance still going unmet, and why are we struggling to create a consistent, united approach to support our kids in the digital world?

Banning access before 16 and placing the responsibility on tech companies and the government may address today's concerns. However, the real challenge remains. As parents, educators, and leaders, we haven't come together to provide consistent support and digital literacy tools our kids need.

In many ways, we're grappling with technology just as much as they are, leaving us uncertain about how to effectively guide the younger generation. But for them, the stakes are much higher—the digital world isn't just a part of their lives; it's the foundation of their future.

Equipping kids with Essential Digital Skills (EDS).

As adults, we have a responsibility to lead by example, staying informed and engaged with the technologies shaping our children's futures.

It's time to rethink how we teach kids to use social media. When handled responsibly, it can be an outlet for creativity and play. Limiting access might seem like an easy fix, but if we want kids to thrive in a digital world, we need to equip them with the skills to do so safely. The real goal is to make social media a healthier, more supportive space.

Education must move beyond scare tactics and a narrow focus on privacy and safety. It should address the personal and social complexities of digital interaction. Kids need tools to protect their mental health, which is heavily impacted by comparison culture. Raising awareness and providing strategies to manage this is essential, along with equipping them with new social skills for the digital world they live in.

How to empower kids for a digital future.

When we tasked kids to help form what support they need around social media they outlined a few rules they would want others to follow. Their guides, or social media etiquette, emphasised the need for adult oversight and reflected their awareness of privacy risks, while also highlighting the importance of fostering positive social behaviours—just like in real life. By setting clear standards for how to behave online, they're learning to speak up or step away when things don't feel right, following the simple rule of treating others the way they want to be treated.

Here's what a positive social experience would look like in the words of our respondents: "No cyberbullying or being mean. No excluding people from chats. Be helpful by responding and making people feel heard. Don't leave people on 'read.' Parents can help us feel safe by helping us make good decisions when we don't know what to do," a 12-year-old said.

Ultimately, whether bans are implemented or not, they're only a short-term fix for a much larger issue. Responsibility needs to be shared. Any changes to social media regulations should include a broader educational approach—driven by the government, integrated into schools, and equipping parents with the tools to guide and protect their kids. This will empower everyone to succeed in a tech-driven world.

Let's shift the conversation. Instead of debating bans, let's focus on what really matters — preparing our kids for the digital future they're already living in.

Amanda Windus is the founder of the research agency Youngkind. Her work is all about understanding young people and giving them a voice on the decisions shaping their future.

Feature image: Getty.