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As soon as I separated from my husband and moved out, a number of my girlfriends started confessing to me how much they would love to do as I have: split from their husband and start a new life on their own.
These are friends who put on a convincing social front they are happily married. But since I became public about my separation, many of them have confided in me how truthfully unhappy they actually are and how they've spent years basically separated, living in separate bedrooms, socialising separately, remaining sexless, and barely speaking unless it's about the children.
One friend said she was in a "silent divorce".
It feels like a heavy burden to hold their confessions and I'm not sure what to advise, while also feeling sorry and sad for their situation but also frustrated for putting on such a fake front. I know it can be complicated, so for my friends who can't leave as I have, what are some things I can say to them when they talk to me about this?
First, it must be said, just because they see the path you've taken and they assume the grass is greener on your side of the fence, this does not obligate you to be advisor, counsellor, role model or advocate for them. If it makes you feel uncomfortable, unsettled, awkward, frustrated, tired or out of your depth to advise or support them: opt out. Refer them to someone else! Another friend, a support group, a counsellor, therapist or even lawyer.
Divorce strikes every relationship and family differently. There is no one-size-fits-all when it comes to managing relationships and endings. You can be supportive and educative but you don't need to try to give them a road map because you have walked the path they’re looking at. Their situation is almost certainly going to be different to yours.