Move over conscious uncoupling. Exes Justin and Sophie Trudeau are 'nesting'.

The conventional way to manage the difficult co-parenting situation post-separation or divorce is to divide the assets and set up two homes. The kids travel between the parents' residences depending on the family's childcare arrangements. 

Parents must then organise the two households to suit their kids and their differing schedules. There are the logistics of providing bedrooms and catering to the kids' basic needs and the stress of remembering to have the right school uniform, toys or snacks at each location. The constant movement between two locations can cause additional friction and emotional upheaval, so what if it didn't have to be this way? 

What if instead, it was the parents who did the moving around?

Recently separated Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau and his wife Sophie are leading the charge by turning to 'nesting' to keep their kids settled in their family home.

What is nesting?

In an article for Psychology Today, Dr Ann Gold Buscho says she first started writing about 'bird nesting' or 'nesting' in around 2013 because this was the method she had chosen to co-parent her own children with her ex after they separated in the mid-1990s.

"Nesting is an arrangement where your children remain in the family home, and the parents rotate on- and off-duty according to an agreed-upon schedule," Dr Gold Buscho writes.

"The on-duty parent stays in the home with the children, and the off-duty parent usually leaves the home to stay elsewhere."

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For Justin and Sophie who have three children, Xavier, 15, Ella-Grace, 14, and Hadrien, nine, all three will stay put in their Ottawa home Rideau Cottage. According to The Telegraph, Justin will continue to stay there, too. But when he is away, Sophie will move back in to take over the parenting duties. It helps that the Trudeau family live in an official residence and Trudeau is often away on state business. 

It also helps that they have the financial means to ensure that whoever is away from the family home can pay to sleep somewhere comfortable. Dr Buscho recommends that the off-duty parent stays with family, friends or in a shared rental. 

Does nesting suit everyone?

Relationship Coach Katie O' Donaghue says that while nesting may not be suitable for every family situation, especially when there are any elements of abuse, mental health, financial issues or addiction within the home, it has a lot of advantages.

"For families where both parents are on board, the advantages for the kids could be to maintain a relatively secure relationship with both parents without feeling torn between them," Katie tells Mamamia.

"Nesting also means kids won't feel the pressure to consider how much time to spend with either parent compared with if they had to travel and stay in different homes. It could also allow for an easier transition into a new family dynamic because the parents are the ones moving in and out, rather than that responsibility falling onto the children.

"Equally, it can mean that there will be a continuity of household rules, routines and expectations without any element of confusion for the kids if they were to live in a new physical space. All this together can, hopefully, ensure that there is minimal disruption to the children’s psychological and physical wellbeing – which is supposed to be the primary focus when any family system breaks down."

Is nesting like conscious uncoupling?

On the downside, Katie says that much like Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin's 'conscious uncoupling', the idea works well if you have plenty of cash, no issues of abuse or addiction and access to the very best lawyers. 

For normal working families, however, nesting in the same residence after separation or divorce might not consider the reality of their lives.

"If the parents aren’t psychologically mature, any unresolved conflicts or communication issues can put the kids at risk of being exposed to harmful patterns within a relationship which can affect how they form their own romantic relationships as adults. It might also give kids the false hope that their parents are going to get back together.

"For the parents, it could feel restrictive and prevent either parent from moving on with their life when there is likely going to be an element of pressure to maintain the family home. This, over time, could be incredibly emotionally draining as it can bring up past conflicts if they weren’t resolved or navigated through in a way that protects the well-being of all involved. 

"There could also be logistical challenges such as coordinating living arrangements, schedules and responsibilities – and this could be particularly difficult for heterosexual couples with rigid gender roles, and unrealistic expectations placed on the mother to be the primary caretaker."

For separating parents like Justin and Sophie who feel like they want to give nesting a try, Katie says there are a few things to consider first.

"How successful nesting turns out to be will depend on the psychological maturity of either parent and their willingness to accept responsibility for their children’s wellbeing above all else. 

"For the arrangements to work practically, a custody schedule needs to be in place and, ideally, this will be agreed upon legally to avoid any boundary breaches or conflict further down the line. Obviously, a high level of effective communication needs to exist between both parents too where schedules, responsibilities, issues or changes can be discussed without any sense of confusion, or fear. This is especially important when there could be shared expenses or household rules that need to be agreed upon."

What's the best way to try nesting?

Finally, Katie recommends seeking professional relationship guidance to work out if nesting is the right co-parenting choice for you and your family.

"Seeking support from a professional during the transition into a new family dynamic can also ensure there is an effective plan put in place, that stability is maintained and that it is a gradual transition which protects the wellbeing of the parents and the kids over time.

"If you do choose to nest, some benefits for the parents might be parent-child bonding as the time with the kids will be more focused and provide an opportunity for continued shared experiences. There's also more flexibility where both parents can maintain their own separate residences during their off-time with the kids which would give them a chance to develop their own personal routine and life whilst ensuring the kids’ lives remain as stable as possible."

To find out more about Katie O' Donaghue and her work as a relationship coach, please visit her website or Instagram.

Laura Jackel is Mamamia's Senior Lifestyle Family Writer. For links to her articles and to see photos of her outfits and kids, follow her on Instagram and TikTok.

Feature Image: Getty/ Canva.