Living with misophonia, hatred of sounds: What is it like?

By Lynne Malcolm and Tegan Osborne.

Melissa was in her early teens when she first began to sense something wasn’t quite right with her hearing.

When her father was eating, the munching sound of his mouth made her feel anxious and upset — to the point where she would need to escape the room.

This and other sounds, like chip packets crumpling, or chair legs screeching on the ground, made her body tense and tighten, and her breathing quicken.

And they still do today, years later. If anything, the problem has gotten worse.

Melissa has a condition called misophonia — which put simply, is a severe hatred of certain sounds. It’s a condition only described by scientists and psychologists in the recent past, that doctors still understand very little about.

“I feel a fight or flight response kick … a lot of adrenaline. I can feel angry at the person making the noise, even though it’s just a normal thing for them – obviously, they’re trying to eat or sneeze. I usually need to get away from the situation because I can’t handle it,” she said.

“I was fairly young … when I [started] noticing it and there was no literature about it then. I’d never heard of anyone else having something like that, so you do think it’s all in your mind.”

Misophonia discovery ‘a relief’

Years after her symptoms began, Melissa noticed a small article in a magazine about misophonia, which described exactly how she was feeling.

It was a discovery that brought with it a mix of emotions.

“A mix of joy and sadness I guess … it tells me that it is real and it’s probably not going to go away. It’s a thing. But definitely relief that I wasn’t just going crazy and there were other people like me.”

In a recent ABC article about groundbreaking research on misophonia, we posted some examples of sounds that can be annoying, and asked people to vote on how they felt about them.

The most annoying sound by far was people eating with their mouths open, according to the poll. And the article also prompted manycomments on Facebook, from people who wanted to share their own experiences:

“Chewing with the mouth open, scraping knives and forks, and the hushed tones people use to lead people in meditation are triggers of major fits of rage for me. I found out about misophonia a few years ago and it explained everything.” – Maria

“What, you’re kidding, it has a name? And it’s not simply me being driven crazy? Get out of here!” – Karen

“Sudden but randomly timed loud noises. Like sheet metal workers riveting.” – Ben

“Trust me, living with it can be absolutely horrid some days. Earplugs are my friends. It’s not just eating and coughing sounds, I can’t deal with vacuums, crying sounds, tapping, whiteboard markers, chalk on chalkboard, noisy areas. Some days are better than others.” – Kate

“I hate with a passion the sound of a bouncing ball. It drives me crazy.” – Kay

“Scraping at the bottom of a yoghurt tub for the last gram of yoghurt. It’s yoghurt, not cocaine!” – Karrie

“I cannot stand metal scraping on concrete. It’s hard to even write about it, the thought is hideous. It makes me feel ill.” – Belinda

“Once I grabbed a pencil and a piece of paper from my son and threw them out of the car window because I couldn’t stand the sound of his drawing.” – Carolyn

“People who chew with their mouth open. Slurping of drinks.” – Steve

“My teeth clench when I hear high heels clacking behind me. I have to stop walking and let them pass me. I also hate squeaky balloon noises.” – Monica

More than just feeling irritated or annoyed

But while it’s common to find certain sounds irritating or annoying — misophonia takes such feelings to a whole new level.

For Melissa, each new day brings a fresh set of potential triggers, depending on where she’s going and what she’s doing. She can never be sure she won’t hear something that will stop her in her tracks.

“I feel my breath quickening, I’ll be clutching my hands, it’s all I can focus on … that noise is spinning around in my head and it’s like nothing else is existing in that moment,” she said.

“I’ve gotten off buses early because there’s been someone on that bus triggering me. I’ve left university lectures. The cinema’s a really tough place to be — I really only go if I absolutely love the movie … plastic rustling is a big one. So people opening a chip packet or lollies.”

So how does she manage from day to day?

“Avoidance would be the biggest [way]. But it’s so bad, because I don’t want to miss out on things,” she said.

“It hurts your relationships. I avoid having meals with my family because of it. Usually your loved ones are you biggest triggers and that’s definitely true in my case … I always know where a door is. I always have some quick excuse to get something from another room … so as not appear rude.”

Melissa says seeing psychologists has provided few answers or solutions. But she carries noise cancelling headphones wherever she goes. And she’s also careful who she tells about her misophonia, as many people don’t believe the condition is real and some simply write her off as “difficult”.

For this reason, she says it really helps that her partner is understanding.

“He’s got a really open mind … living together he can see the daily struggle. I think it would be easier to write it off if you just heard about it,” she said.

“We get told ‘it’s just a noise’ or ‘everyone hates some noises’. But when you can see your loved one having to deal with it and struggling with it day in, day out … he’s fantastic in supporting me and trying to avoid triggering me.”

Hopes for new treatments, more understanding

Despite the difficulties she faces every day, Melissa still manages to keep a sense of humour.

“I usually sleep with earplugs as well, because otherwise I can’t sleep, focusing on other noises or my partners breathing … and he has to breath,” she laughed.

She’s also found solace online, chatting to other people with misophonia on a Facebook support group.

Most of the older people on the message board say for them, the problem has gotten worse with age — and Melissa says this has also been her experience. But she’s encouraged by current research on the condition and hopes it will yield new therapies and more understanding from the broader public.

“We would really love to have some kind of treatment as time goes on, and some kind of understand around it, to help us better tolerate it and live with it each day,” she said.

This post originally appeared on ABC Health and Wellbeing.

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