Gen X and Millennials just discovered 'dishonest harmony'. They blame the Boomers.

Look out, because the generational divide is at it again — and this time, it's coming for the Boomers.

Gen X and Millennials are having something of a lightbulb moment, after TikTok user Angela Baker made a video about a particular style of parenting apparently favoured by baby boomers — and her explanation hit the nail on the head for many viewers.

Going into detail about the concept of "dishonest harmony", the now-viral vid caused a widespread ripple epiphany, with many now claiming they have a label to help them understand their own experiences with their parents.

In the video, which has now been viewed almost 800,000 times, Angela (who has garnered quite a following for her candid videos speaking about family relationship dynamics) says, "Fellow Gen X and millennials, let's talk about our parents and their need for dishonest harmony," she said.

She launches into how she is often shut down by Boomers when the topic of "dishonest harmony" is brought up with the most common response being quite a strong attitude of dismissal. Instead of unpacking the effects of this parenting style, she says, they'd prefer people "stop talking about it. We don't need to hear about it. Move on. Be quiet."

Which is kind of ironic given that response is the very reason "dishonest harmony" needs to be addressed.

"What that's showing is their lack of ability to handle the distress that they feel when we talk openly about uncomfortable things," said Baker. "What they want is dishonest harmony rather than honest conflict."

Watch: "Dishonest Harmony" parenting theory explained. Story continues below.

Baker explains that Boomer parents who adopted (knowingly or unknowingly) this parenting style in your household likely approached conflict in a 'sweep it under the rug' kind of way.

"Keep quiet about these hard issues," she says. "Suppress your pain, suppress your trauma. Definitely don't talk openly about it so that you can learn to heal and break the cycle.

"What matters most is that we have the appearance of harmony, even if there's nothing harmonious under the surface."

She continues, saying that this "dishonest harmony" was one of the ways Gen X and Millennials suffered in their childhood.

"The desire of Boomer parents to have this perception that everything was sweet and hunky dory, rather than prioritising the needs of their kids, is what drove a lot of the toxic parenting we experienced," she concludes.

And with that, a lightbulb flicked on for thousands of people watching. They suddenly felt they had an explanation for why they felt the way they did growing up, and the residual effect that has on them now.

"How did I not hear about dishonest harmony until now?!" wrote one user in the comments. "This describes my family dynamic to a tee. And if you disrupt that illusion, you are automatically labelled as the problem. It's frustrating."

"THANK YOU SO MUCH!" wrote another. "I'm a 49-year-old biker sitting in my bedroom crying right now. You just put a name to my darkness! I have never heard this from anywhere but my personal fight."

"Thank you for putting language to this complicated experience," wrote another user.

So if you're one of the many Gen X and Millennials now sitting staring at the wall feeling very seen, you might start to think about how this affects you in your adult life. Perhaps you've already been doing work to correct any behaviours that have risen from growing up in a "dishonest harmony" household or perhaps you're needing some tips.

While seeking the advice of a professional is always the best port of call, author Adam Cam also has some thoughts on how moving away from always trying to keep the peace can positively impact your relationships.

@adamcam10 Honest conflict is a lot healthier than dishonest harmony. #relationships #relationshipadvice ♬ original sound - Adam Cam

"Speak your mind openly and honestly," he says. "Communicate your boundaries. Just do it with a bit of compassion and empathy. Because healthy relationships are about confronting without destructing. Speaking up without tearing down. That's how they grow stronger."

Feature Image: TikTok/parkrosepermaculture, Canva.