The 6 very serious, very unbreakable rules of the Irish Goodbye.

Everyone knows that ye olde Irish exit (also known as the 'Irish Goodbye') is the perfect way to leave a venue when you quite simply cannot be bothered.

We've all done it: fled the scene without saying a word to anyone or letting people know you are safe. Also known as smoke-bombing or phantoming, some would dare say this is a rude thing to do. And while I tend to agree, I'm not above playing the devil's advocate and arguing that sometimes, people simply... don't want to let you know they're heading off.

Sometimes, as grown adults, we want to leave when we want to leave, do what we want to do and march by the beat of our own drum without having to have a 20-minute goodbye chat to approximately everyone in the room. 

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Is that rude? Possibly definitely yes.

Do we care? Maybe we will tomorrow, when the bravado has worn off.

But in the moment, no. We do not. 

And think of it this way: perhaps those who commit the old Irish goodbye are just a little bit anxious. Or don't really want to be there. Or just, you know, don't like the host.

The excuses are endless, but the rules of a good, solid Irish Goodbye are not.

In fact, there are only six as far as I can tell, and they must be strictly followed. Because if they are not, then unfortunately you're an instant d**khead and must apologise to everyone you know.

So here they are – don't get caught out leaving a party without them. 

1. Don't do an Irish Goodbye if you're drunk. 

I know that's when you are most likely to actually pull this move, and I understand. Truly, I do.

But the perfect Irish Goodbye is one carried out whilst one is teetering on the edge of no-longer-sober and still able to call an Uber without second guessing what your home address is. 

So, just know I am specifically talking to those of you who stumble out of a venue drunk and giddy, thinking you've just gotten away with a sneaky exit. 

Please don't do this, because your true, real friends will lose their minds trying to find you. 

Also, everyone will be mad at you tomorrow when they realise you left the venue telling no one just so you could get a kebab on the way home. They might've wanted a kebab too, you know?

2. Don't smoke bomb if you have people relying on you.

Giving someone a lift home? Don't do it. 

Your mate is giving you a lift home? Don't do it.

Got children? Ah okay, I know this is probably a given, but don't do it.

Feel like being a decent person? Perhaps don't do it.

Because if you pull an Irish Goodbye at my birthday party before the cake has come out, I will remember and I will never forgive you.

3. Don't overthink it.

There is an art to the quiet quitting of an event. 

And the first step is not to overthink it. If you do, you've already lost the battle. A perfect Irish Goodbye is one that almost happens... of its own free will.

If you are going to do it, do it... right now.

4. Understand that an Irish Goodbye is inherently rude. 

At the end of the day, leaving an event or a situation without saying goodbye to anyone is kind of uncool. 

Yes, you will have your reasons. 

Understandably, s**t happens. 

But we must accept that sometimes the truth is just the truth and leaving without telling anyone (especially the host) is a very rude act. 

(Although given we've all done it, there's only a small amount of shame in it.)

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5. Be prepared to deal with the consequences of an Irish Goodbye.

An angry text message or two (or 100) is the least of your worries.

I've been chased down the street and had my taxis pulled over. I've been yelled at, too. I would do and probably have done the same for those I love because a friend vanishing into the night can be really scary if you're on the other end of it.

It's a whole lot of anxiety no one deserves. 

So if you have people who don't know you like to pull this particular stunt, know you may be in for a world of pain. Or text them when you're 100 metres away to let them know what's happened. Your call. 

6. If you have successfully pulled off an Irish Goodbye, bask in the glory.  

You deserve all the praise because one done perfectly will have your friends talking about it for weeks.

Left without causing a fuss? Success.

No angry texts or calls from those you left behind? Success.

Making it home in one piece? Success!

So feel free to revel in your glory and make a mockery of those who tried and failed to do what you did so brilliantly!

Feature Image: Getty.