As a society, we are slowly removing the shame around mental health – especially men’s. As these attitudes shift, and boys and men feel more comfortable asking for help, I'm asked more and more questions on this topic.
As a young men's respectful relationships speaker, here's what I tell my audience about mental health.
While you're here, watch why men are embarrassed to talk about mental health. Story continues below.
Diversify what makes you happy.
Many young men have only one towering pillar supporting their happiness – a partner.
If their partner leaves or the relationship just doesn't work, their happiness crashes down.
But if a man has multiple things giving him meaning – making music, building, fixing cars, playing sport, creating art and hanging out with friends –a breakup will be upsetting, but won't destroy his world.
Know what you control.
Some men tear their mental health to shreds trying to control things they can’t.
They can get angry about what their girlfriend, family or even random people do. They can become furious when others don’t share their values. These men struggle to find peace.
A man who knows what he can control in his life is empowered.
A man trying to control things he can’t is angry and frustrated.
Crying is good, but...
Wanting to cry is just as normal as not wanting to cry.
There is value is releasing things. But there’s no shame if you don't feel like crying when others say you should.
Cry alone if you prefer. Or with a close friend or family.
But being a blubbering mess and unloading all your deep, emotional pain on a second date is a bad idea.
Getting a release from crying may only get you part of the way. Sometimes you need to take action but other times you need to just process and move on.
Purpose is power.
Men without purpose are like leaves in the wind. Pushed around by society because they lack direction.
I’ve known men who made life-changing decisions they later regretted – like getting married too soon or working jobs they hated – because people said that’s “just what you do”.
But with no self-direction they couldn’t resist society’s pressure.
A man on his path can see the big picture and isn’t easily pushed around.
As a bonus, having strong direction makes you very attractive.
Get help.
It's ok not to be ok, and no one has things 100 per cent together all the time.
So, if a chat with your best mate isn’t enough, there’s no shame in getting professional counselling.
They can help process and work through whatever is bothering you.
Just like seeing a doctor when your body isn’t right, don't ignore problems with your mind.
You may not vibe with the first counsellor you see but try others until finding the one best for you.
Listen: On this episode of Help! I Have a Teenager, Ginni and Jo give some advice on how to help your anxious child. Story continues after podcast.
Be there for others.
Men who haven’t seen each other for years have an awesome ability to reconnect as mates and often don’t expect much to maintain a friendship.
But this can leave them feeling isolated and unwilling to tap into a dormant – but caring – network for friends.
So, reach out and check in. I know guys probably won’t do it every day or week, but enough to let friends know you’re still there.
And don't brush things off if your mate is not in a good place.
Hear them out. See if there’s anything you can do or if they just want to vent.
Sometimes your advice is helpful, but other things only get better with time and processing.
If there’s something more serious going on, encourage them to get professional help.
Ask them directly if they're thinking of hurting themselves. Don't leave them alone if they say yes and call for help.
If a friend confides in you, be sure to check in again soon after.
Don’t wallow in victimhood.
You may have suffered unfair hardship or been treated horribly.
Everyone's pain is real to them but letting victim status define you isn’t a happy path.
It’s ok to have things that need working through, but no one will do that for you.
Finally...
People around you aren’t responsible for your happiness. It's on you to direct your life how you want.
Choose friends and partners who enhance your life and make it better.
Stay away from energy vampires who use their drama to drain you. No one is going to remove these people from your life except you.
Take control, get help with issues and check in on your friends.
If anything in this article has brought something up, you can contact MensLine Australia here and Beyondblue here.
Max Radcliffe is a young men’s respectful relationships speaker. He works with young men to help them navigate intimate relationships, consent and self-respect, thereby improving the experiences of women they interact with. Max also shares his advice to young men on Instagram: @maxi.radcliffe.
Feature Image: YouTube/Max Radcliffe.
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