If you had asked me years ago why my marriage ended, I would have given you a list of reasons, all starting with him. I blamed him for everything. I was waiting for him to change, waiting for him to save our relationship. The cold, hard truth? I was asking him to meet me in a place I wasn't prepared to meet myself.
I held him hostage to all the pain I had felt during our 10-year relationship, and honestly, it wasn't fair. I told myself I was ready to work on the relationship, to help it transform, but in reality, I was just waiting for him to be the reason everything got better. I wanted to hold him accountable for emotions that I hadn't fully processed myself.
I was always in control—leading, planning, doing—and after 10 years of emasculating him, I expected him to just morph into a different person overnight. But that's not how life works, is it? He wasn't suddenly going to wake up as the man I wanted him to be. And so, I left.
But here's the thing I've learned: if I knew then what I know now, I wouldn't have left him.
The hard truth about blame.
After I spent time apart healing all the pain I had been holding inside, I saw everything differently. I stopped blaming him for all the pain I carried from my past. The hurt I experienced at the hands of other men had clouded our relationship, and I'd projected it all onto him. But as I healed, I realised that the issue wasn't him. It was me.
Watch: MM Confessions: My partner doesn't know. Post continues after video.