This is not the way I had envisioned spending a Thursday afternoon. Normally, I would be chained to my desk in the city, buzzing to finish my stories for that afternoon’s deadline. I would be making phone calls, writing emails and arguing with the sub-editors over grammar.
But not today. Today I woke up about 10.30am, had a nap a few hours later, and whenever I needed to use the bathroom, I would need to physically lean on my mum to help make the short distance.
A lot is made of how ‘busy, busy, busy’ we all are, but I never really thought about my own level of action before I woke up with a fever two weeks ago, and have been stuck in bed ever since.
I have Glandular Fever. I know it’s not a medical tragedy and that I’m fortunate it’s nothing worse. But when my doctor called to give me the results of my blood test, I burst into tears.
This simply wasn’t good timing; I don’t have time to be sick! I’ve got stuff to do! And at the risk of sounding like a competitive wowser, I’m really just too busy for this.
When I mentioned this to my mum, who has extraordinarily nursed me ever since I became sick, she looked at me like I had announced I was converting to Scientology and that, yes, Tom Cruse isn’t at all insane.
“You’re joking, right? You’re too busy to me sick? Oh Lani, I’ve never heard anything so stupid.”
My first instinct was to defend myself and my little outburst, but I’ve got to admit she has a point. I’m sick, but I’m getting the best care, and with any luck, I’ll be back on my feet in a couple of weeks. But it’s so strange to be immobilized like this, to be so swiftly taken down – it’s like I’d forgotten I’m human, in a rush to be and do everything.
Four weeks out of action – away from work, friends and society – seems like a life sentence. I can’t help but think what I’ll miss out on. I’ve always been afraid that if I ever stop, I’ll somehow forever be trying to catch up again.
But being forced to stop – not slow down, but stop, completely – has me questioning how fast things are done now. Food is so fast an anti-movement, slow food, was created. Movies and television shows are downloaded in minutes and reviewed on Facebook within hours. News stories are broken instantanlessly via Twitter, leaving less and less time to gather information, and instead fed the hungry beast that is the public and also the competition. It’s so fast it makes me dizzy just thinking about it [and that’s not just because extreme dizziness is one of my symptoms].
Every time I’ve been sick in the past, I’ve arrogantly decided I didn’t want to be sick and I would rush back to work too soon, hang out with friends earlier than I should have. My health, I thought, could fit in with my life, and on my terms. Glandular Fever has been, as they say, my poetic justice. It’s forced me to realise there’s something even more powerful than a calendar filled up with social engagements and deadlines.
In the meantime, while I wait for the night sweats to go away and the overwhelming fatigue to fade, I’ve decided to not try and rush anything. I’m going to stay in bed and rest, drink as much water as possible and not exert myself by even watching too much television or read too much. It’s not something that comes natural, but I’m going to give it a go. As my mum would say, “there’s nothing more important than your health”. And at the risk of giving her a big head, I’m afraid she’s right. Again.
Alana Schetzer is a Melbourne-based journalist and writer. She doesn’t like being sick. She tweets here.
Have you ever been forced to stop?
Top Comments
Such a timely article. I had glandular fever when I was 13 but didn't realise and worked through it. I ended up being diagnosed with M. E. a year later and have struggled with energy issues since.
14 years on I'm now 32 weeks pregnant and this week, my body has forced me to slow down - the exhaustion I feel this week is as debilitating as how you describe in your article. I've felt like I'm "failing" for not keeping up with everything (work, socialising, housework), but your article has given me some perspective. Thank you :)
I had glandular fever in year 11, when I was 17. I took a month off school and when I recovered I went back to my hectic life. Two years later, I got another fever, and bam. Chronic fatigue. You think taking one month off life is bad, try taking a year off everything except sleeping and eating. Even now, three years after my diagnosis, I can hardly do anything. If I exercise (which can be walking around the shops) for half an hour, I will need a four hour nap to recover. Your doctor may have told you that in a month you will be back to normal but that's not always the case. I rushed myself back and my body never really recovered, which is why I now have chronic fatigue. My best friend in year 11 also got glandular fever when I did, took six months off school and ended up repeating year 11. She now is completing her uni degree and has a normal, active life while I get tired walking to the shower. Never put anything, not your career, friends or family as best you can, before your health when it comes to fatigue because once your body gives up, as mine has, it can be for ten or more years and you are no good to anyone then. Best of luck.