'After 2 life altering events, I was drinking daily. At age 47, rehab saved my life.'

The author of this story is known to Mamamia but has chosen to remain anonymous for privacy reasons.

This story mentions a suicide attempt and could be triggering for some readers. 

To many people, rehab can seem like a daunting place, but if you have ever hit rock-bottom like I have, the idea of losing everyone and everything around you is so much more terrifying. There’s a perception that rehab is where you go to detox and have a few therapy sessions. What most people don’t realise is that your time in rehab will be so much more. You’ll gain clarity and understanding, learn how to deal with triggers and past traumas, and begin a new life – one in recovery. 

There’s a saying that ‘you get out of it what you put in’ – and this couldn’t be more true. For those who enter rehab thinking it will be simply a ‘break’ from the complex world in which we live or a few weeks in a relaxing retreat, I can tell from first-hand experience, that it’s not. For rehab to be successful, you have to be committed and fully lean into the experience.

In the seven years leading up to my time at rehab, I had two life-altering events. My father died, and only 12 months later, my husband was in a major motorbike accident. His injuries were severe and at one point he was under the care of 12 specialists. With my father gone, I had very little practical support. For five years I raised three young children, whilst caring for my husband as he recovered from his injuries. It was during this difficult time that I began suffering chronic depression and abusing alcohol. I was struggling with life on a daily level, and to cope, I was consuming a bottle of wine a night. If something else was on hand, I would have that too. It wasn’t until I bought a bottle of vodka and hid it I realised my drinking had become a serious problem. 

The drinking turned me into someone I didn’t recognise. I would start arguments with my husband and be almost incapacitated the morning after. However, I was determined not to let a hangover stop me so I would simply get up and battle on, feeling guilty.

I became so depressed and overwhelmed with my emotional struggle and my growing dependence on alcohol, that I attempted to overdose. Looking back, it was the cliche ‘cry for help’, but it was the wake up call I needed. At that point my husband was finally on his feet and able to manage again. I, on the other hand, was on my knees at 47-years-old – I knew it was time to sort out my life, so I checked into South Pacific Private, a rehab hospital based in Sydney.

Walking through the doors I was fearful, and full of shame, but I also had hope. I had no idea what was in store, and the impact those next few weeks would have on me.

Daily life in rehab can be challenging at times – all of us have our ups and downs in there but persistence is key. Surprisingly, a day in rehab is pretty busy. A typical morning in rehab starts early. I loved attending yoga at 6.30 every morning on the beach. It was in this time connecting with my body that I was able to release tension and stress caused by my trauma with the help of my trauma-informed instructor.

After yoga and a communal breakfast, the entire client community comes together for a meeting to share our thoughts and feelings in a safe, open forum. Then it’s onto the first lecture of the day. I remember, more than once, tears streaming down my face as the lecture facilitators detailed how we are all connected to our family systems. Other topics such as attachment theory, anxiety and depression, often were directly related to my experiences.

Next, it’s onto group therapy sessions. When you are admitted to rehab, they place you in a group for the duration of your treatment. Group therapy helps you connect with people on a similar path, communicate better and improve social skills. Clients will come and go as people complete their treatment, but your overall group is a constant, as is your primary therapist. Group therapy can be very intense, but therapists safely guarded it so they can support everyone in exploring each client’s past. 

After a big day of lectures and group therapy, a walk on the beach or a wade in the local ocean rock pool with my fellow clients was the best decompression time.

Finally, it’s dinner, and then off to a support group that relates to your experiences. For me, that was Alcoholics Anonymous or Co-dependent Anonymous. A day in rehab is busy, full and incredibly enlightening. Each night you go to sleep with a whole new toolkit of skills and knowledge about yourself.

I went to rehab to stop drinking, but I also ended up discovering the impact of my childhood trauma upon my relationships. I learned about co-dependence and I discovered my abuse of alcohol was because of underlying issues rather than the problem itself. The compassionate approach and education around my dysfunctional patterns of behaviour meant that I could address the deeper underlying issues. One of the most valuable things I learned was that I was ‘allowed’ to have boundaries and say ‘no’ to the people I love. It has changed my life.

Rehab might not be for everyone, but for me it was life-saving. With sobriety, came a clear head, and this has been vital for me to look at and change my patterns of behaviour. Every day my goal is to show up with authenticity and improve my relationship with myself and others. Along with the help of regular therapy, I now understand and can reflect on my experiences, patterns that have arisen from them and adjust my behaviour. Going to therapy, changing patterns of behaviour and stopping drinking has also spread through my network of friends and family. The ripple effect of rehab has benefitted more than just me.

I celebrated five years sober this year and my chronic depression has disappeared. One therapist in rehab said to me that ‘over time you will live your best life’. This is certainly true for me. I cherish my life now. Rehab can really alter your mindset and transform your life.

If this post brought up any issues for you, you can contact Drug Aware, Australia's 24hr alcohol and drug support line. You can reach them on (08) 9442 5000 or 1800 198 024.

If you or someone you know needs help, you can call the Intake Team at South Pacific Private on 1800 063 332. 

Feature Image: Getty.