"I can't do this silent sh*t anymore!" Chrissy Teigen on being part of the 'cancel club'.

Chrissy Teigen wants to talk about what it's like to be in the "cancel club".

The model recently retreated from social media after singer and reality TV personality, Courtney Stodden, shared in an interview that they were bullied online by Teigen following their marriage to 51-year-old actor Doug Hutchison in 2011.

In screenshots from that time period, which were recently republished by BuzzFeed, Teigen called Stodden "an idiot" and told them to "go to sleep forever."

Watch: Courtney Stodden and Doug Hutchison discuss their marriage in this 2011 interview. Post continues below.

Shortly afterwards, other old tweets resurfaced which showed this was not an isolated incident.

In other posts, Teigen made a joke about Lindsay Lohan and self-harm and said if she was destined to have a child like Avril Lavigne, "I would choose to have a barren, sterile existence that ends when I die".

Posting to Instagram on Thursday, Teigen opened up about being a member of the "cancel club" following the Twitter bullying controversy.

"I don't really know what to say here... just feels so weird to pretend nothing happened in this online world but feel like utter sh*t in real life," Teigen began.

"Going outside sucks and doesn't feel right, being at home alone with my mind makes my depressed head race. But I do know that however I'm handling this now isn't the right answer," she continued.

"Cancel club is a fascinating thing, and I have learned a whole lot. Only a few understand it and it's impossible to know until you're in it. And it's hard to talk about it in that sense because obviously you sound whiney when you've clearly done something wrong. It just sucks," she said.

"I don't even know if it's good to say any of this because it's gonna get brutally picked apart but I dunno. I can't do this silent sh*t anymore!

"If you or someone you know has also been cancelled please let me know if there is a cancel club reunion because I could use some time off my couch!"

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A post shared by chrissy teigen (@chrissyteigen)

Here's how the controversy first unfolded.

What did Chrissy Teigen do?

In March 2021, Chrissy Teigen announced she was taking a temporary break from Twitter because she couldn't "block out the negativity." 

"The platform no longer serves me as positively as it does negatively, so with that I bid you adieu," she shared on Instagram at the time.

"I have to come to terms with the fact some people aren’t gonna like me. I hate letting people down or upsetting people and I feel like I just did it over and over and over."

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At the time, Courtney Stodden called Teigen "hypocritical" for quitting the social media platform, sharing a screenshot of one of Teigen's old tweets towards Stodden.

"What a shame Chrissy Teigen is leaving Twitter... it's too 'negative' for her #chrissyteigen #bully," Stodden, who identifies as non-binary, wrote.

Stodden originally came to fame as a teenager in 2011. At the time, Stodden, then 16, controversially married actor Doug Hutchison, then 51.

The couple met online after Stodden expressed interest in Hutchison’s acting workshop. The first day they met in person, Hutchison proposed. They later married in Las Vegas after Stodden's parents signed permission forms.

In the years that followed, the couple appeared in a number of reality shows, facing waves of online harassment from the media and even celebrities.

 Courtney Stodden and Doug Hutchison in 2013. Image: Getty. 

In a recent interview with Daily Beast, Stodden was asked about their experiences of online harassment during that time.

During the interview, Stodden claimed that Teigen had posted multiple tweets about them, and even sent them direct messages on the app.

"She wouldn’t just publicly tweet about wanting me to take 'a dirt nap' but would privately DM me and tell me to kill myself," they said. "Things like, 'I can’t wait for you to die.'"

In screenshots from that time period, Teigen called Stodden "an idiot" and "effing weird", and told them to "go to sleep forever."

"It was just so hypocritical of her," Stodden told Daily Beast. 

"I think, for me, because I experienced so much harassment and bullying from her when I was just 16 years old, just 17 years old, just 18 years old, at a time when I needed help. Like, I was being abused," they continued.

"She has sent me so many different tweets. Private DMs, up 'til a couple years ago. It's so damaging when you have someone like Chrissy Teigen bullying children."

Not a lot of people are lucky enough to be held accountable for all their past bullshit in front of the entire world. I’m mortified and sad at who I used to be. I was an insecure, attention seeking troll. I am ashamed and completely embarrassed at my behavior but that...

— chrissy teigen (@chrissyteigen) May 12, 2021

is nothing compared to how I made Courtney feel. I have worked so hard to give you guys joy and be beloved and the feeling of letting you down is nearly unbearable, truly. These were not my only mistakes and surely won’t be my last as hard as I try but god I will try!!

— chrissy teigen (@chrissyteigen) May 12, 2021

I have tried to connect with Courtney privately but since I publicly fueled all this, I want to also publicly apologize. I’m so sorry, Courtney. I hope you can heal now knowing how deeply sorry I am.

— chrissy teigen (@chrissyteigen) May 12, 2021

In response, Teigen tweeted she tried to apologise to Stodden directly, but also wanted to address the matter publicly.

"Not a lot of people are lucky enough to be held accountable for all their past bullsh*t in front of the entire world. I'm mortified and sad at who I used to be. I was an insecure, attention seeking troll. I am ashamed and completely embarrassed at my behaviour but that is nothing compared to how I made Courtney feel," Teigen shared.

"I have worked so hard to give you guys joy and be beloved and the feeling of letting you down is nearly unbearable, truly. These were not my only mistakes and surely won’t be my last as hard as I try but god I will try!" she continued.

"I have tried to connect with Courtney privately but since I publicly fueled all this, I want to also publicly apologise. I’m so sorry, Courtney. I hope you can heal now knowing how deeply sorry I am.

"And I am so sorry I let you guys down. I will forever work on being better than I was 10 years ago, one year ago, six months ago."

How did Courtney Stodden respond?

Shortly afterwards, Stodden responded to Teigen's public apology on Instagram.

"I accept her apology and forgive her. But the truth remains the same, I have never heard from her or her camp in private. In fact, she blocked me on Twitter," they wrote.

"All of me wants to believe this is a sincere apology, but it feels like a public attempt to save her partnerships with Target and other brands who are realising her 'wokeness' is a broken record."

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A post shared by Courtney Stodden (@courtneyastodden)

Stodden, now 26, separated from Hutchison in 2013.

Nine months later, in 2014, they reunited and renewed their vows.

From there, the couple were involved in an on-again-off-again relationship. But in 2018, Courtney filed for divorce, which was later finalised in 2020.

Posting to Instagram to mark the divorce in early 2020, Stodden shared that looking at an old picture with Hutchison made them "feel absolutely taken advantage of".

"I’ve been scared to even speak up about feeling groomed or being verbally abused during the almost 10 year marriage because I was a child and he was 50 when we married but I’m an adult now and it’s time for me to speak on this matter," they wrote.

"I’ve felt completely trapped, manipulated and at times abandoned by adults... growing up in such an environment – it became a lonely and dark place."

What did Chrissy Teigen say?

After apologising to Courtney Stodden, Teigen took a self-imposed break from social media.

When she later returned, she shared a longer, more self-reflective acknowledgement of her behaviour. 

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A post shared by chrissy teigen (@chrissyteigen)

"I want you to know I've been sitting in a hole of deserved global punishment, the ultimate 'sit here and think about what you've done,'" she wrote on Medium.

"Not a day, not a single moment has passed where I haven't felt the crushing weight of regret for the things I've said in the past."

She said she was in the process of privately reaching out to the people she insulted, and that therapy had made her a more empathetic person. 

In the wake of the Twitter controversy, Teigen lost a number of business deals and planned appearances.

Multiple brands including Macy's and Bloomingdale's reportedly dropped their partnerships with Teigen. She has also been removed from the marketing of her new cleaning brand in partnership with Kris Jenner, and bowed out of a guest voiceover role in the second season of Netflix comedy Never Have I Ever.

For more on this topic:

• Chrissy Teigen, 'toxic femininity' and how to spot it.
• The world is watching Chrissy Teigen's steep downfall. We appear to be overcome with glee.

This post was originally published on May 13, 2021, and has been republished with new information.

Feature Image: Getty.