We had a sex talk plan.
That plan was to wait.
Wait until 4th grade was over. Wait until the summer break between 4th and 5th grade had arrived. Wait until we could have the reproductive health, er, sex talk with our 10-year-old at a leisurely pace and without any nuggets or zingers from it seeping into her classroom chit-chats or into the recess yard banter or into the cafeteria scuttlebutt.
We were waiting just a little while longer to have the sex talk with our oldest daughter both for us — to preserve a few more glorious weeks of blissful childhood unknowing in her — and for other parents, too. To not have our girl accidentally spilling the beans on the sperm + egg / penis + vagina system to her 4th grade buddies who may not be hip to how they, their friends, teachers, parents, and most every other mammal, got here.
I’m nothing if not considerate.
But the jig is up.
A form recently came home alerting us of a special Always Changing — About You health class for the 4th grade scheduled for the following Friday. We’re talking menstrual cycles, reproductive body parts, stinky armpits… you know, all the juicy stuff.
Well, we’re not talking about it, school is, but you know, now we are. We must get in front of this End of Childhood School Year special, to ensure the first sex talk our daughter has is a sex talk with us, not some health teacher with Proctor & Gamble sponsored leaflets. That’s right, our school seems to have bought into some P&G program, with supplied documents littered with ads for their tampons, their pads and their deodorant.
New plan: divide and conquer. My wife will handle the icky this into that does this and that business. I’ll tackle the commercialism bit and, OK, armpit management too. Deal.
Truth be told, I’ve never been worried about this moment because of the words themselves or because of the exact information we’ll transfer to our daughter, that her vocabulary and understanding of the world will be forever altered and expanded. It is not icky at all and so I will be an active participant in the series of discussions we’ll have, at our 4th grader’s desired pace. I continue to not be nervous about this new stage of my oldest girl’s life. In fact, I am mildly excited about the challenge and adventure of her tween and teen years and all that comes about during those transformative periods (pun intended).
Just as I bought and folded her tiny first pairs of underwear after she moved out of diapers eight years ago, I will be the one buying and stocking the bathroom cabinet with pads and tampons for her when that time comes. I’m totally ready for all of that. Bring it on. What I am mourning right this minute is the first wall of childhood coming down. The bricks that will soon crumble are still covered in chalk and stickers. This is what’s causing the massive stream of tears to flow as I wrap up this short post. I know that this talk we must have is a line of demarcation between the simplicity of youth and the complications of adulthood, and I, I just can’t stop crying about crossing over the border with her.
This post originally appeared on Jeff’s blog, Out With The Kids. You can find him on Facebook here.
Jeff Bogle is an at-home dad who writes about parenthood and All Things Childhood: kindie music, books, toys & culture at Out With The Kids. He is married to an adorable redheaded gal and has two lovely little ladies under the age of 10 who provide him with countless hours of humorous in-home entertainment, and who get to do, hear, see and play with more cool stuff than you can possibly imagine. He considers himself one of the luckiest guys in the world, although he needs to be reminded of this fact from time to time.
When did you have ‘the sex talk’ with your kids? Was it easy, or did you find it difficult? How did your kids react?
Top Comments
My daughter is four and upon reading a book about her baby brother's development in my belly for the last two years, she's started asking questions: "But how does the baby get INTO the belly?"
I thought, we might as well get this one out of the way while it's not too awkward. So I told her. Very frankly and very plainly at a level I assume she can understand. And she was happy. So now she knows. She also knows that she can't have a baby of her own until she meets someone who she wants to spend the rest of her life with. She's chosen daddy...
I did that too instead artsy fartsing around the issue. All mine knew how babies were made in kindergarten but were under no circumstances allowed to tell other kids because that's their parents job. I say be open & honest. My boys went into high scho horrified at how many kids laugh at the word period. They have grown up with an older sister who gets a period like all girls do. Not monthlys or girlys .. A period! I had a hysterectomy years ago so they know all about them too and how blessed life is without one.
Another thing is... would your rather your children to be 'reading' about adult relationships aka sex - BEFORE they are doing it or after??? Given many school students are already pressured into oral sex on boys yet this neither returned nor practiced 'safely' using 'Dams'...?