'The days feel like years.' A diary of the two-week wait after IVF.

When it comes to the dreaded ‘two week wait’ between your IVF transfer and receiving your pregnancy result, I have lived every emotion that it can bring.

In fact, in total, I have waited for 28 weeks, given I have completed 14 IVF transfers.

I understand the physical and emotional journey that IVF takes you on.

After conceiving our first born on our first IVF cycle, we were unaware of the heartache that lay ahead. When our daughter was two years old, we proceeded with another IVF transfer. Little did we know that the next seven years of our lives would be consumed with multiple IVF failures.

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The odds were against us, but just a few months before my 40th birthday and on our 14th IVF attempt, we welcomed a son, one week shy of our daughter’s ninth birthday. A reminder that miracles are possible, after countless setbacks.

I want to champion always having hope, to support those who are often navigating the journey, without friends and family truly understanding the highs and lows of infertility.

I wasn’t born resilient. I have learnt it through experiences like IVF - and so will you. My IVF experience has shaped the person I am today.

With enough time to heal, I share my journey as a guide to help others going through what can be an extremely challenging time.

Waiting for a pregnancy test result can be an emotional and nerve-wracking experience, filled with anticipation. It's natural to feel a mix of emotions during this time.

Below are my diary entries from my two week wait from my one of my many IVF transfers. 

Day 1 to 7.

My tummy is bloated and sore. I am sick of the injections and medications. But this week, life has been busy. Work has been a good distraction. I know it’s going to be a long wait, so I am trying not to focus on counting the days until next week.

Day 7.

I have hit the one week mark. I always find that the two-week wait is often the most difficult part to endure of the IVF process. During the first week I am often on a high, celebrating the fact that we made it to transfer and knowing that we may receive a positive result. Today, I am feeling cautiously optimistic.

Day 8.

Today is a different story. I am flooded with anxiety and anticipation. I am feeling stressed just thinking about the emotional and financial toll if this cycle is not successful. We have invested so much into this potential pregnancy. I know it's natural to have these concerns and to feel anxious about the viability of the pregnancy, but today I feel flat. Today, I feel like infertility is completely consuming my life.

Day 9.

I think I'm pregnant! I know that the doctors tell you not to read into your symptoms (because the huge amount of medications I am pumping into my body can mimic pregnancy symptoms) but, I really do feel pregnant. I feel different to the other transfers and finally think that this little embryo is a stayer. I have a pile of home pregnancy tests in the bathroom cupboard (which the doctor has told me not to use, as they do not give you an accurate result), but I’m tempted to test. I’ll keep my emotions in check, however, and rethink this idea tomorrow.

Listen: AFLW superstar Moana Hope joins us to chat about her IVF journey. Post continues after podcast.

Day 10.

The emotional rollercoaster of waiting for pregnancy results is utterly exhausting. I have gone from optimism, to despair, to hope, to sadness, all in the one hour. No-one explains the waiting. I feel completely out of control. The fluctuating emotions are really taking a toll on me, and I spent the morning crying on the shower floor and cradling my tummy hoping for a miracle. Please, let this be my time.

Day 11.

The minutes feel like hours. The days feel like years. With the blood test looming, I have decided that today is a day to implement some distraction techniques to help pass the time and manage my anxieties. I have planned to connect with loved ones for emotional support, move my body to help remove tension, engage in activities I enjoy and do some journaling to help pass the time. Hopefully, this will make the day more manageable.

Day 12.

Two days to go. My mind is racing with thoughts and possibilities. I know I’ll soon have the result that can bring a sense of relief and clarity. If it is another negative result, I am not sure how I’ll find the strength to get through. I am feeling a lack of energy, very little enthusiasm, and dull emotionally. The anticipation that this test has the potential to impact my whole life, is overwhelming.

Day 13.

After the challenges of yesterday, today was a good day. I reflected that it’s okay to feel these emotions, and feeling down is only a temporary state. Today, I focused on self-care and maintaining a positive outlook... as tomorrow is the day!

I spent the day outdoors with friends, and that lifted my spirits. I have identified that social interactions have a significant impact on my well-being. Although I felt like curling up in the foetal position and sleeping to pass the time, it’s important to continue to engage in activities that bring me joy and maintaining connection with others.

Day 14.

I am not pregnant. It feels completely unbearable. I know that I have been here before, but it never gets easier.

Grief has hit me like a rolling wave. People are telling me that I’m strong, but ‘strong’ is the last thing I am feeling. I feel like I could fall in a heap, lock the world out, and hide from reality and the utter pain of infertility.

I know that once my hormones settle, I will find the courage to move forward, but for now, I just want to mourn the loss of what could have been. I am broken. Infertility is far more complex than simply longing for a child.

My book gives people the opportunity to be true to their feelings and document their journey. The journal offers invaluable insights, emotional support, and practical guidance to those facing similar trials. 

Most importantly, it is a personal diary for people to read and be able to use as a basis, for expressing their own journey in words.

My book, There is always hope is now available via ivfjournal.myshopify.com.

Feature Image: Supplied.