Ahhh, the innocent quotation mark. When used correctly, it marks the beginning and end of a title or quoted passage, or indicates a word or phrase can be regarded as slang or jargon.
When they aren’t – when, instead, they are wrapped around words that are neither of these, we can safely assume the person has no idea what they are doing.
Poorly chosen quotation marks can make even the most innocent of words suddenly look suspicious.
(I personally find “air quoting” the following 31 unnecessary quotation marks as you say them out loud creates even greater misplaced emphasis and confusion. Give it a try.)
1. Also known as the “Where we hide from the boss” rooms.
2. Okay, we mean drugs. We sell drugs.
3. So many questions.
4. Or freak the f*ck out. Whatever's achievable in the situation is fine.
5. Someone is getting a little passive aggressive.
6. Or nuclear waste. Look, we really don't know what these things are made of.
7. Flu shots, tracking chips, whatever ...
8. "Happy ending."
9. We're not saying dog tastes like chicken. No, we'd never imply that...
10. Why doesn't this make me feel better then?
11. Actually, turns out I don't feel that bad after all.
12. Nope, these definitely won't blow up in your face.
13. Wow, talk about a backhanded compliment.
14. Which most definitely does not mean "text while driving".
15. Actually these are probably fine. American beer is kind of lame.
16. There'll be a test when you leave.
17. Do NOT drink whatever they are selling.
18. Oh I get it (nudge nudge, wink wink).
19. Code for at least a week old.
20. The joke's on the class of '64.
21. Translation: We've jacked up the price by 20 per cent, then reduced it by 10 per cent.
22. Code for "time machine". Obviously.
23. So we eat it then?
24. Or you know, whatever else is round and brown that we can find in the backyard.
25. Definitely NOT a meth lab. Nope, nothing to see here.
26. No garden variety bloat, please.
27. Sorry not sorry.
28. Watching four seasons of Nip/Tuck doesn't make you a real plastic surgeon, FYI.
30. Jesus, what kind of animals work here?
31. "Place to smoke ciggies."
If you enjoyed this, you might also get a giggle from these:
29 of the most giggle-worthy puns on the internet.
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