Unfortunately every word in this post is true

Try not to let your eyes roll out of your head when you read what I have done.

We can get through this you and I, I promise.

I have broken up with friends for less so I understand what you are about to feel towards me.

Here goes.

I am on a health kick.

I have been exercising, a lot.

It’s been about 8 weeks now and God help me I feel good.

It gets worse, I look forward to my daily run and my twice weekly “strength” session with my *trainer Dean – aka the dark lord.. (*I know I used the “T” word.)

If it makes any difference he is an ex stripper! He once belonged to a “dance troupe” called “Bad Boyz” so at least he’s got pizazz. Picture a huge chunk of a man with brown hair and deeply tanned skin. He’s in his mid forties and gets around in high waisted, tight, black silky tracksuit pants. He minces about the gym in a manly fashion (it’s possible picture Paul Mecurio in Strictly ballroom.)
You can tell Dean knows how to do a decent pelvic thrust.

I am attributing my newly acquired fitness to my ability to deal with the challenging time I have been going through mentally. If it weren’t for the endorphins produced by the exercise I think I would have tattooed something by now or spent thousands of dollars I don’t have on an antique “saddle leather” chesterfield couch. (I still may, just checking the dimensions of the space I wish it to fill..)

Usually I switch off and wish death upon someone when they start taking about their “amazing new diet” or how many “pump” classes they’ve done that week. Exercise braggers do my head in, you know the ones – they check into their gym on Facebook. When you ask them how they are they complain about how sore their calves are from Zumba (vomit).

I haven’t become one of them but I have joined their cult, I pledge to remain a silent member.

I purchased a running “app” on my iphone and this lovely lady with an English accent coaches me through my walk/jog/sprint program. It really does help, having that polite voice say to me “keep going you’ve only got 15 seconds more to run and then we’re half way” makes all the difference. I also like how she refers to it as “us” like her and I are in this thing together.

I am deliberately making this a very short post as I wish to limit the amount of damage I am doing to your opinion of me.

I just wanted to say if you’ve been feeling a little flat recently or out of control it could be as simple as strapping on your runners and working a sweat up. Those lunatics who preach the exercise gospel are unfortunately onto something. Disappointing isn’t it?

Sorry.

Let us never speak of this again.

Do you exercise? Do you notice the benefits?

Em Rusciano appears  on Network Ten’s ’7pm Project’ and the Nine Network’s Mornings with Kerri Anne, She has the looks of a young Judy Garland, the warmth of a mother in a Dolmio commercial, the razor-sharp wit of a 1930s screwball heroine, and the musical tastes of a mid-forties gay man from Memphis.

You should follow her on Twitter here and read her blog here. No really you should