The Transformed Wife Lori Alexander and her ridiculous love advice.

Oh. Quiet please because this is very important.

If you find yourself lying awake at night, muttering to yourself, “What exactly are men looking for?” then GO TO SLEEP IMMEDIATELY because we have the answer.

Lori Alexander, a self-described Christian mother-of-four, outlines the three very specific things men want in a marriage on her blog, The Transformed Wife.

Firstly, a man does not want a woman who has gone to university, mostly because he doesn’t want your (stupid) debt. It’s inconvenient and a lil’ bit rude to bring debt into a marriage, you see.

Secondly, hymen please. Men want a woman who is a virgin for reasons that are unclear.

Speaking of unclear, thirdly, if you want a man to love you you’re not allowed to have tattoos. Alexander provides precisely no explanation as to… why… but we trust her implicitly because obviously.

Here’s what those dating terms really mean. Post continues.

“Sadly, most young Christian women wouldn’t listen to their husbands since they’ve not been taught to live in submission to their husband,” Alexander explains.

University is apparently also delaying women from starting a family. Alexander asks, “Is college worth having less children? I will never understand how women prefer careers over having precious babies.”

No judgement, of course. Alexander is just pointing out the clear relationship between wanting to study a degree in order to broaden career opportunities and hating babies everywhere. That’s all.

Her blog post, aptly titled “Men Prefer Debt-Free Virgins Without Tattoos“, has been shared almost 26,000 times, probably mostly by men who would very much like a debt-free virgin without tattoos but for some reason are, bizarrely, struggling to find a partner.

There are a few gaps in her article in terms of facts/justifications/logic etc. so I thought I might fill them in to be helpful.

Men don’t want a woman who has studied at university so they can say things like, “Fish have 14 legs” and not be challenged. It makes them feel both powerful and knowledgeable, and there’s nothing worse than a female marine biologist who’s all like: “Fish are gill bearing aquatic craniate animals that lack limbs with digits…”

Ugh. What a wet blanket.

Men would like a virgin so no matter what they do in the bedroom, (jack-hammering/licking her face/tickling her belly) she thinks it’s good sex. When he sticks his willy in her ear hole and she looks confused, he can just gently say, “Oh, sweetie. This is just what sex is…”

Genius.

And men don’t want women with tattoos because if she has a mark on her shoulder for example, then sometimes he might think it is a spider and do a yell. And that would be embarrassing for him.

SO the question we ultimately come to is: Do we want a man who is looking for a debt-free virgin without tattoos?

Eh. Not really. I’ll gladly choose the debt (which I plan to pay off personally rather than… give to my future possible spouse?) the tattoos and a broken hymen, over a partner who thinks any of those things matter.

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A post about the three things men want in a partner has gone viral. And it's... messed up.

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