By: Michela Montgomery for Divorced Moms
The first time I heard the phrase, “Toxic Marriage”, I felt a little sick. That couldn’t be me…could it? If you’re reading this now, you’ve got that little nagging intuition that tells you something in your relationship is ‘off’. Is it? See if any of these eight signs sound familiar and you be the judge.
1. You find yourself sad, crying all the time, or much more than usual.
I’m not a ‘crier’ by nature, but in the last four years of my marriage, I found myself crying a lot; driving home from work, lying in bed trying to get to sleep, doing dishes when the kids were occupied after dinner. Sometimes our subconscious emotions are so strong, they simply push their way into our ‘now’ so we don’t continue ignoring them.
2. Your spouse finds fault with everything you say or do.
Sometimes, we all feel that we can’t say or do anything right, but it’s a completely different thing when your spouse jumps on that bandwagon. Is he criticising more than usual? Has it become personal, or is he attacking you? If you feel the need to retreat, or that you simply ‘can’t say anything right’, this might be a sign.
3. You’re lying to your friends or family about your relationship.
Look, we all don’t air our dirty laundry to everyone in our immediate circle. But when you keep telling people that everything is ‘fine’ when you know it’s getting bad, there could be a problem. If close friends and family ask, “Is everything okay with you guys?”, there is a reason. You may think you’re the Willy Wonka of keeping secrets about how you’re really coping, but it’s unlikely that everyone is fooled.
4. You don’t have sex anymore.
Touch is a basic human need, like food and water. We all need it to feel connected, loved and cared for. The first year rule doesn’t apply here. Every married woman knows her husband’s sexual habits; once a week, after the gym, twice a month – whatever was ‘normal’ is now not happening. If your spouse is withholding that affection, refusing to re-connect with you or even reducing you to begging for basic things like hugs or holding hands; then Houston, we have a problem.
5. You find yourself withdrawing from friends, family or social interaction.
This one’s nothing to fool with. You used to go out with the girls every Friday night after work and now it’s an effort to lift the remote to watch the next episode of Game of Thrones. This is a sign. Talking to your friends or mother on the phone only frustrates you, you feel like no one understands what you’re going through, or your best friend has left more messages for you than Bieber for Selena Gomez. Toxicity in a relationship manifests itself in really ugly ways, and one of them is depression. Be careful, my lovelies.