Top 15 crazy Christmas presents I found while shopping for my kids

Guess what, peeps? It’s that time again… time for Internet shopping!

I am online trying to find some last minute gifts and thought I’d share the joy a little. I was going to have a top 10 – but then, well, I got a little carried away, so it’s a top 15. But trust me, it’s worth it!

(I am not being paid by these websites for promoting their stuff, but if they are reading this I would love some free gifts? Always worth a try)

Just click on the pictures to be taken through to the website where you can buy all this awesome crap stuff.

1. What’s that? You’re lonely at Christmas time? Well, not any more! You can have your very own…

The website explains:

To commemorate this beloved tale, we’re proud to offer you the Farting Santa Pillow. It’s a soft and cuddly pillow that looks like the bottom half of Santa. When you press his foot, Santa cuts one and says something ridiculous like “Smells like Christmas!”

And all for just $14.95! Must get one immediately.

2. Is that a Hanukkah Menorah light in your pocket or are you just pleased to see me?…

Jewish? There’s no reason that you shouldn’t be a part of our awesome shopping spree. This is a Hanukkah Menorah light that you carry in your pocket. It folds out and lights up, for all those unforeseen Menorah requiring emergencies

The website says:

Walking around with a lit Hanukkah Menorah in your pocket used to be risky business. Besides the unsightly bulge, you stood a very good chance of setting your pants on fire.

But Hanukkah In Your Pocket has finally solved that problem. It’s a tiny, electric menorah that folds up into the size of a credit card. When you are in the mood for Hanukkah festivities, just pop out Hanukkah In Your Pocket, pop up the menorah, and you’re ready for business!

See that? They’ve thought of everything! No more lit Hanukkah Menorah’s in pocketses. Brilliant and a bargain at only $4.95

3. Do you like pizza? Are you buying a gift for someone who likes pizza? Do you also like Star Trek? What a coincidence! There’s something that was made just for you!

And it’s on sale right now. It has a massive 33% off! See that? Total BARGAIN!

4. Perhaps zombies are your thing? And perhaps you don’t live in Australia where it’s really freaking hot right now. Then I have just the thing for you…

The blurb says:

Let this pair of zombie feet gently mouth you

Ummm, yes please! I love a bit of gentle mouthing! And only $18.75.

5. What’s that I hear you say? You love random people playing with your stomach? And you aren’t pregnant (cos that actually happens a lot when you’re pregnant, true story). Well never fear I have the perfect item for that too…

This shirt has an electric guitar built into it. Random people can walk up and fiddle with your belly while they  rock out to some sweet, sweet tunes. It will guarantee you lots of people all up in your personal space, if that’s your thing.

6. Do you feel like your feet have special powers? Like they have been completely mistaken for ordinary feet? Want to show the world your feet are actually quite…um..super? Well here’s your thing!

For an amazing low, low price you too can have super feet. I am pretty sure that these socks would be awesome for sliding across the floor boards in. But I can’t say that with 100% certainty because I haven’t tried it. If someone were to send me a pair I could do some scientific experiments….just saying…

7. Have you noticed that the onesie is all the rage lately? I have been so uncool because I haven’t found one I liked. Until now….

Na na na na na na na na Batman!! I have no idea what a “Footie Union Suit” is? Maybe the Muricans can shed some light? It just looks like a super onesie to me (did you see what I did there?)

8. Hate regular Christmas wreaths? Are they too, oh I don’t know, covered in foliage? Love a good digital display? Then this is for you…

OK. So this is on sale too. It flashes. It’s LED. It’s got that pixel look. It has gaming references. I LOVE IT!!

9. Did you love Sharknado as much as I did? Is it your pick for best ridiculously bad film (followed closely by Snakes on a Plane of course)? If you answered YES then check this out! We can recreate Sharknado in our own lounge rooms. All we need is a few of these and an inflatable chainsaw (oh and Ian Ziering).

We might also need to make some red jelly to use as fake blood (that’s Jell-o for all the Muricans). I may or may not be adding alcohol to mine…

10. Stuck for lighting ideas at your place? Want something stylish that also screams “PARTAAAAAY”? I know you do. So I’ve found it…

It comes in multiple colours and configurations. Just click on the picture to go through to the link. The blue/purple one is my personal favourite. I love what it does to the atmosphere of a room.

11. So in case you missed the memo, it’s the middle of summer in Australia and it’s really bloody hot. So hot that when I get into the car I literally cannot touch my steering wheel because it melts my flesh. I have found the perfect solution for that. I am so in love with this I actually did order one.

What’s that Chewy? Raaahnaarghagh! Yes it is hot, thank you for protecting my vehicle.

12. So on our summer theme, for those of you following me on twitter you will have seen I have just had my pool emptied, pressure washed and refilled by my lovely neighbourhood pool dude. We are now swimming ALL the time. And what could be more fun than downing a few drinks and playing…

OK so if you’re on the other side of the world and it’s winter there I will think of you while I’m drunkenly crashing my inflatable into someone else and yelling “bumper cars rule!”. You can save it for June.

13. Here’s where things get really fun. My last 3 items are all adventure type fun things. Let’s kick off with this shall we?

What do you get if you cross Jesus with a hamster? (Ooops! Did I just say that out loud?!)

I have ALWAYS wanted to walk on water and be a hamster. Now I can do both at once. OMG squeeeeee! And only $399. Bargain!

14. Are you really insanely super rich? Are you sick of the average every day power boat? Yeah, I know how that is. So I solved your conundrum with….

Yes! It’s an actual real thing! You can buy it. Go right ahead, if you have the spare cash that is…

15. Well perhaps boating isn’t your thing. Perhaps flying is more the ticket? Well how about this?

It’s actually more expensive than the boat! Go figure?

That concludes our little Internet shopping trip. I hope you found something you like. Have a great Christmas Peeps.

What is the weirdest thing you’ve ever received as a Christmas gift?