The only nude I've ever sent was at 4:45 am on a Sunday, to a high school friend I haven't seen in real life for 15 years.
If we're going to get specific, I didn't actually send it - my four-year-old son, awake too early and being distracted by my phone in a demonstration of truly excellent parenting, was playing around with the filters on Instagram while I lay in bed, topless on my side, breastfeeding his four-month-old sister.
Before I had a chance to explain to him the laws around image-sharing and consent, a flash blinded me. I grabbed the phone from him in a panic to discover that he had sent the picture to my friend. Because it was taken and sent within Instagram, it disappeared as soon as she viewed it - which she did immediately, thanks to herself being awake and also feeding a newborn. I never got to see that nude - thank god - but my friend assured me, after saying how good it was to hear from me, that it was somewhat tasteful.
Yet I realise my dearth of nude-sending experience puts me in an ever-shrinking minority when it comes to the general population. US data suggests 77 per cent of people over the age of 19 have sent a nude photo. In Australia, a recent news.com.au survey found 45 per cent of Gen Z, and 40 per cent of Millennials, copped to sharing sexy pics.
Watch: 57 per cent of girls compare themselves to other people on social media. Post continues after video.
So if, hypothetically, a nearly 40-year-old freelance writer was in the market for tips on how to send her first intentional nude, where would I start? In true Carrie Bradshaw style, I turned lazily to the experiences of my immediate circle of friends for this very professional investigation.
Tips on how to take tasteful nudes
Tip 1: Be a bit boozed.
One recurrent theme when it came to nude-sending advice was that a couple of pre-game drinks dropped the cringe factor to an acceptable level.
"I sent a couple of nudes to my ex while I was travelling," says Victoria*, 46. "I was drunk, I remember that much, and it was just the boobs. Well, one boob to be exact. I thought about cropping my face out of it in case he ever went the revenge porn route but one decapitated boob just looked too weird."
"The first time I sent a nude it was to a guy I was planning to hook up with later that night," says Maria*, 28. "I drank two negronis, went into the toilet of the bar I was at, and just went for gold in the stall. I set up my phone on a timer and pulled my top up so it was covering my face, like I was flashing the camera. It was fun and flirty and silly and I am a bit addicted to it now!"
Tip 2: An artful pose can transform your nude.
"My tits look like fried eggs sliding into my armpits when I lie down," says Yolanda*, 37. "After three kids I'm yet to find an angle where I like where they point. After my divorce three years ago and getting 'on the apps' as the kids say, I have dabbled in sexy pics. I have a mirrored wardrobe next to my bed, I lie on it naked on my stomach and snap the pic from the side - it's all curves and butt without those wayward DD's ruining the show."
Sarah*, 40, says it's all about lighting. "Once you're sure you're only sending nudes to someone you trust, it's all about finding soft lighting," she says. "Positioning your phone so that it covers your face (if you're worried about that) and finding the perfect angle. I quite like sending suggestive pics, not full nudes. Sexy lingerie pulled slightly down to suggest an invitation… I find erotic is more enticing than obvious."
Tip 3: Get tech savvy.
"No offence, but I feel like Millennials are way too panic-stricken about nudes, probably because they're still sending them via text or something," says Gen Z straight-shooter Ashlyn*, 23. "I only Snapchat my nudes, you can see if someone takes a screenshot, and they delete after you send them. Just like in real life, when you let someone see you naked it's in the heat of the moment, not forever - so the nudes you send should be the same."
Listen to Sealed Section where Chantelle talks about how you can also explore kinks in the bedroom. Post continues after podcast.
Tip 4: Take them… then don't send them.
"I've never sent nudes, but in the days before kids my husband took some hot boob shots," says Niamh*, 47. "Then he lost the camera. And then the camera was FOUND. And then the creepy old boomer who found it made COMMENTS. Thankfully my head was not in the pics, but I wish I still had them - my boobs looked so good back then if I was still in possession I'd make them my LinkedIn headshot."
"I agree," chimes Vanessa*, 40. "I've never sent nudes either, but I made a sex tape with my husband back in 2005, when he was just my boyfriend. We watched it once, then immediately deleted it, and I often find myself wishing I'd kept it. I've literally never looked as hot since, and never will again."
*Names have been changed due to privacy.
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Feature image: Getty.
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