The Voice. The Battle Rounds. Part one

There was laughter, tears, killer heels and plenty of leather on last night’s episode of The Voice.

I am addicted to this show. FLAT. OUT. Addicted.

This post probably won’t make much sense if you didn’t watch it but since EVERYONE EVERYWHERE is watching The Voice we should all get along fine.

Finally we saw the judges get a costume change and Seal took his jacket off half way through. Those arms! Then Keith touched his hair about eleventy million times and oh dear I’ve lost my train of thought.

To the Battle Rounds we go!

The show started with a crap load of rules being hurled at me. I glazed over about 3 seconds in so hopefully we can muddle through this together, I’m sure if I get really stuck our Delta can communicate it to me telepathically through her Angelic, celestial eyes…

Battle Round 1 took us to Team Seal’s head quarters and I have to say I’m disappointed Seal didn’t get his designers in. Not a leopard skin rug or Sphinx statue in sight. Seal picked Karise and Paula to do battle with Amy Winehouse’s “Back to Black”. Karise took it out easily. Seal “believed” her more it would seem. Note to the judges, we must workshop a few more cliched sayings “I believed it/you” over and over and over and over x infinity again is starting to grate on everyone (see what I did there?).

Off to Joel’s team of ridiculously good looking tweens and the token “older hot woman”. Glam rocker Chris and ex-boy-bander Ben sang “Only exception” by Paramore. I thought Chris killed it, he was pointing at everyone and gesticulating wildly but alas NO ONE BELIEVED HIM so the offensively handsome Ben went through.

Team Delta next and again, disappointed she wasn’t allowed to give her team’s room a spritz of angel tears and unicorn hide. Matty and Glenn went head to head it really was difficult telling them apart. Both beardy, thin Canadian looking gents.. (They DID look Canadian go with me). Glenn had been the backing singer for some of Australia’s best singers and Matty really likes cutting elbow holes out of his bonds tops. It was nothing to write home about, the better singer (Glenn) took it out.

Then we were off to Keith Urban love lair, he sent Diana and the appropriately named Jaz Flowers into the ring. He chose a monster track in Kelly Clarkson’s “Mr Know it all”. Jaz got a little too Broadway on our arses. She is ridiculously talented but it’s hard to reign in musical theatre when it’s in your blood. Diana was chosen as Keith “believed her performance” more…

Back to the Oracle aka Seal for round 2 and he decided to send in Mitchell who has just left high school and Fatai who quit high school to pursue singing. It was easily the 2nd strongest performance of the night, I would pay proper money to watch that kind of singing. It was a tough choice, Seal even called a time out to discuss his options with Ricki-Lee (his 2nd in command) but in the end decreed that since Fatai cried she won the round.. At least I think that’s what he said. I’m fairly confident I was hypnotised by that point by both his belt and his pelvic movements.

Delta’s “angel” Rachael who stunned Australia the week before with her rendition of La Vie en Rose was up next against some poor dude who knew he was dead in the water when Delta announced the pairing. Rachel is the blind girl which is inconsequential but since everyone else bangs on about it I thought I probably should as well. She has a sublime voice and would be there even if she wasn’t vision impaired. I don’t know how to write about her without sounding condescending or offensive so I don’t think I am going to mention the blind thing again – the lady can sing.

Keith then put up two people that clearly felt let down by his song choice, something something by The Frey. One of them pulled a nasty face at Seal (Adam) and the other (Abby) had a hot brother in the crowd. In the end, snippy face Adam got sent through. He is one of 28 children and seemed nice enough, I hope I grow to like him more.

Finally the two we’d all sat down to watch. Mahalia Barnes, daughter of Jimmy and Prinnie Stephens, possessor of killer legs and ah-maaaaze-ing eyebrows. Joel Madden gave them “Tainted love” to sing. I was disappointed with that choice. If you have two powerhouse singers facing off give them some meat to chew. The girls did well, in the end I fear the voice didn’t matter as much as the total look. Prinnie and her hot pants were chosen against the wishes of the other Madden twin who isn’t allowed to speak. Prinnie is a superstar don’t get me wrong it’s just Joel and Benji kept saying how much better they thought Mahalia’s VOICE was which is kinda the point of the show right?

In the end shoes, hair and singing were the winners last night. Heidi Klum, still the loser.

I will be live tweeting again tonight (catch me here) and constantly updating this post, so until then my cherubs, be well.

Em Rusciano appears on Network Ten’s ’The Project’, she also  regularly hosts The Circle. You should follow her on Twitter here (she is Mamamia’s official The Voice tweeter) and read her blog here. No really you should

Did you watch last night? Did you love it?

NOTE: Just a reminder of our dinner party rules. Any rude comments directed at contestants, the judges or other commenters will be deleted or edited.