The truth about WAGs, from someone who knows better than anyone.
I have been on the outside of the AFL world so I have a pretty realistic idea of how “WAGs” are seen. Gold digging, plastic, shallow, materialistic, dumb. Maybe even just promoted groupies?
Therefore, I was not surprised when I first started dating my partner that my anti-footballing friends cringed that I had fallen in love with a player. I understood completely where they were coming from and reassured them that he was not like “all the other players” and I would never be one of those “WAGs”. After going to games and sitting by myself, (keeping clear of that row of WAGs who sat together) I was approached by one. Immediately, she insisted that I never sit alone again and it was made very clear that in this club all the WAGs had each other’s back. Quickly I got to know them and to my shock-horror, I realised I was just like them and the other players were just like my “diamond in the rough.”
The fact that I shudder just saying “WAG” shows how negatively it has come to be known. But why should I? After all, it only stands for “wives and girlfriends” (of sport players) and that is what I am… but not all of who I am.
For too long the girlfriends, partners and wives of AFL players have sat back and let the stereotypes, rumours and abuse unfurl, never liking to interfere with our partner’s work life. It is very clear to me that people just do not understand the lives we lead.
You can listen to Annie on Mamamia’s parenting podcast This Glorious Mess- HERE.
I knew I had about as much as I could take and choked on my imaginary, self-enforced gag order, when I stumbled upon a website that was devoted to the insult and lies of players and also that of their partners. I know I should have just been realistic and passed it off as another fanatical website dedicated to stirring between fans. But, I couldn’t.
Here I stand to set the record straight.
In our club, we have women who are mothers, are self-made business owners, are women with degrees, are students, are women with disabilities, are women that have left their families in another state for their partners big chance in the AFL. Only to name a few. We are making our own way through life and not just standing in the shadows of our partners success or stealing their limelight.
The reality is that we are also the ones that have to nurse these players whilst they vomit from nerves before a game or talk to them when their anxiety creates insomnia. We are the ones that tend to them on the couch for the 6 weeks when they’ve broken their leg and then support them through rehab. We are the ones that do not get to share night feeding of our babies because our boys need all the sleep they can get. We are the ones that adapt to being alone in labour wards, birthdays, weddings, hospitals and family catch ups when our boys have football commitments like playing games, are interstate or on pre-season camps.We are the ones that can’t jump off a bandwagon when the season gets tough. We are the ones that stand by them as their lives are made public like if, god forbid, they let go that once a year and get drunk. And we are the ones that ride the emotional roller coaster with them when they are dropped from the team or delisted.
So we have to make sacrifices for our partners – however, this is not unlike any couple that are in love and trying make a go of things. It would be expected that given the circumstance, this would also be vice versa.
I can see there is going to be harsh criticism just for the fact I have even written this. I’m sure it will be along the lines of “she loves the attention.” Then how are we meant to defend ourselves?
And I can also hear the people saying, “Oh no, you poor girls. It must be hard putting up with all that money and fame.” I’m not even going to enter into the debate about players wages. I know we are fortunate. Nevertheless, there have been many times partners have questioned is it all worth the money when their partner severely injures themselves or we are having to wake them up in the middle of the night when they’ve had concussion or we are having to borne the brunt of the pressures from football. There have been times where I would have given anything not to be a “WAG.” And when that dreaded contract is up it is very common for us partners to be the ones working whilst our partners start over.
Click through for a gallery of some of the best known global WAGs (post continues after gallery):
To give you a quote that shows the perception of us from an AFL site: “Given the interest in the dresses and beauty of the wives and girlfriends of the footy players over the last couple of years, do you think that there is any chance that an AFL player would actually choose a partner based on her personality, values or other non-superficial qualities? “
When I first started seeing my partner he would have to read me the menu on our dates as I am vision impaired. And I think it is needless to say that I am not lacking personality. He could’ve chosen a much more attractive girl with far less bite and far less baggage but he didn’t. And I know that we aren’t the only ones like this.
Just because you see the stunning, model partners on the front of the paper does not mean average joe ones like me don’t exist. We just don’t sell papers quite as well.
I would also have a guess that 90% of us are not models. And even the ones that are, are not powerless trophies and have more to offer than just an attractive face. It offends me that people think our partners are too superficial, heartless or aren’t intelligent enough to be with someone for more than just attractiveness? Physical appearance is a depreciating asset. Someone that will put up with some of the bullshit that sometimes comes with footy, that asset is priceless.
Yet, that isn’t to say we don’t feel the pressures to be physically perfect. Living with a super fit and toned athlete can be challenging! Sometimes we feel the burden of trying to maintain their high standards and keep up with their healthy life style. However, the pressures are more obviously felt by the media and public. No one wants to be beaten down by the “fashion police” in the newspaper or up for criticism about the way they look on the internet. Many girls in our club walk straight past the red carpet at the Brownlow now as the scrutiny is unfair especially considering most are only there to support their partner’s achievements.
I really don’t want to come across as bitter and twisted. After all, I actually do love footy as it has meant that my partner has been able to live out his childhood dream. It also meant that I have got to make friends with some amazing people and footy has given us opportunities that we may not have had otherwise. Don’t get me wrong, us partners don’t need sympathy at all. And quite obviously, the world is full of plenty of bigger issues!
However, I’ve never been one to intentionally attack or hurt anyone especially when it is based on what their partner does for a living.
We are not army wives or even the partners of politicians or activists. We are just the ones they drive home with after their game. Or maybe the ones you judged before you knew us?
For more from Annie, check out her blog Uncanny Annie. You can also follow her on Twitter and Instagram.
For more posts like this one, take a look through these:
Forget the WAGs at the Allan Border Medal. What about our female cricketers?
“I put my life on hold for a famous footballer.”
Top Comments
Great read!
My partner was delisted from an AFL club in November last year. The cut throat world they live in truly serves for an emotional rollercoaster to say the least.
I barely told anyone my husband was a footballer when I first met them. A friend of mine used to say her partner was a 'greenskeeper' lol. Because you know as soon as you say it, the person either becomes over interested (nosey) or they make awful assumptions about you- like the ones mentioned in the article- that you are a gold digger, that you 'love the lifestyle', that you are rich, that your husband cheats on you but you won't leave because then you won't get to go to the Brownlow....
It can be a lot of fun, although I feel I missed out on that part as we had kids before he got drafted and moved interstate to pursue his dream. In doing that, I gave up my dream, I left my degree half-way through, I left all my family and friends, and started raising my kids virtually alone. The first year he got drafted his salary was $25k. Once he was elevated to the senior list, it went up to $50k plus match payments of around $2k per game. Which is great as long as you don't get dropped from the team, or injured. Which is why it is ESSENTIAL that they are in peak physical condition, and why they can't just miss a game for something like a wedding, as they might not get back in the team. I was due with one of my kids right in the middle of September, in a year his team made the finals. Obviously he was going to be there for our baby's birth, but I was extremely anxious thinking what if it meant he missed a game and then missed out on playing in the grand final? Money-wise he was at the end of the season and the end of his contract, what if he missed a game, didn't get back in, and then didn't get another contract? Its not as simple as 'just a game'.
Like the author, I don't want sympathy. I can fully see how privileged my position has been over the last ten years. I loved watching him play, and so did our kids. But I hated the assumptions people made about me, as the wife of a football player. It is nasty and hurtful, and I DO feel the need to defend myself, because I am none of the things people assume I am. After 10 years of footy- with about five of those on a good contract (but nowhere near millions people assume he was making) we paid off an average but nice 3 bedroom weatherboard house in a decent suburb (NOT an exclusive one). I feel extremely fortunate to be in this position, although we are still much less wealthy than many non-footballers we know. My husband is now in a job he doesn't particularly love on a very average wage while I try and finish my degree, while we struggle to pay child care costs and school fees like any other family. We had a great accountant who helped us manage our money, but the reality is, its a short career (his was much longer than average), and its difficult to study, play footy and be present at home all at the same time.
Footballers are not Gods, although they are told they are one minute, then dragged down the next. I completely agree they are overpaid for what they do, but at the same time believe they should be compensated fairly for the amount of time the club and public ask of them, and the amount of stress their body is under. Also the short duration of their careers, and the profits the AFL makes should be distributed evenly. What they do is hardly saving the world, however it does bring a lot of entertainment and happiness to thousands of fans every weekend. While I am guilty of belittling my husband's work on many occasions ("you chase a fucking ball, you're hardly saving lives"), at the same time I am fully aware that before a game the players are spoken to like they are going out to war.. and abused by all and sundry if they don't perform well enough. Its really hard for them to find a balance, knowing it is 'just a game', but also wanting to avoid being on the outer and losing a contract etc., letting down team mates. They are not allowed to drink, they have to eat what they are told, however they are really just average 20 year old men who are good at kicking a ball.
I never changed my surname when we got married because after three years of being his partner, I was tired of being 'his partner'. I just wanted to be me, with no assumptions made about me or my marriage, based on who I was married to. I'm a mother-of-five. I'm studying something I'm very passionate about, I am an average-looking size 12 woman who has never had plastic surgery. We live a simple life. I don't think I'm better than anyone because I married someone who was good at footy. I don't think I deserve special treatment or sympathy.
And I think that is all Annie is trying to say.