It shouldn't have to be said, but please keep your fingers out of baby's mouths.

When I was six months old, a strange man put his finger in my mouth.

I was a cute baby. That’s fact, not opinion. I’ve conducted surveys and studied photographs and it’s the conclusion I’ve come to.

Monique Bowley doesn’t understand why you can’t put your finger in a baby’s mouth. Post continues after audio…

Apparently, it’s the conclusion a friendly caterer came to as well.

He WAS friendly. Undoubtedly. It was by no means weird or malicious or aggressive.

It was simply an ill-thought out display of affection towards an IRRESISTIBLY cute bub. He was only human.

My mum, Mia Freedman,had a view that was somewhat less understanding, however.

She was mortified. Moooortified.

She expected to find me asleep in my stroller. Instead, she found me awake. In a caterer’s arms. Gnawing on his finger.

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I should point out: it’s not as if I stealthily pulled his finger into my lil’ mouth while he was distracted… noooo no no. He sat down. Said g’day to me. And let me chew away.

What if he’d been chopping chilli? Peeling garlic? TOUCHING CORIANDER. EW.

That would’ve been disgusting, sure. But that’s not even the worst part.

The worst part is the germs… the millions of unseen, mating microbacteria I unknowingly smeared across my toothless little gums.

Mum said nothing, of course. She kept quiet and cringed inside and bottled the resentment for later.

It's been 19 years. She's still holding onto it.

So. I have presented to you, a problem: your hands are germy. My hands are germy. And we love babies. How do we play with them without passing on our grown up grot?

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Answer? Stick to the foots.

There's something a little bit magical about baby feet. They're smooth and pudgy and their toes ARE OH SO FLIPPIN' TINY I CAN'T EVEN-.

Do what you want with the lil' feeties. Because - and this is key - they can't get them into their mouth or their eyes or their nose.

If you touch their hands or their arms (or, funnily enough, their mouths), anything on you will be passed on, when bub eventually rubs his eyes or chews his fingers or wipes his nose.

I wouldn't say the incident scarred me. I don't even remember if it made me sick. And, to be completely honest, there are parents out there who it might not bother at all.

Just in case, though? Play it safe. Stick to the feets. Don't give bub your icky life germs.

As if the feet aren't the best part anyway...

You can listen to this week's full episode of Mamamia Out Loud, the final for 2016, here...