"I'm sorry, but who pays $500 for a cushion?"

Something happened on The Block last night.

I know the contestants find it hard.  They’re sleep deprived, they’re under pressure, there is a camera in their face and they have to be able to keep their composure despite 13 hours of paint fumes and a constant eyeful of plumbers crack.

But last night when they revealed their guest bedrooms, I thought ‘this time, they’ve gone too far.’

It was a $500 cushion.

A FIVE HUNDRED DOLLAR CUSHION.

A FIVE HUNDRED DOLLAR CUSHION.

THAT IS A HALF-A-THOUSAND-DOLLARS IN A CUSHION.

And not just that. It was nestled behind another cushion….  WHICH WAS A $400 CUSHION.

THAT’s $900 WORTH OF CUSHION ON A BED.

These cushions weren’t made of gold. They didn’t come with an ipad enabled in the back. They just sat there propped up, probably stuffed with free-range artisan pheasant feathers or pearl couscous or that really expensive stuff they find in whales that makes perfume.

Sure, the cushions were gorgeous. But you can’t even drool on them for that price.

Here’s a question. Are cushions the most pointless and annoying decoration ever?

Sure, they look great when the bed is made (almost never), or the bedroom will be seen by people other than your partner (also almost never).   But practically? THEY ARE A NIGHTMARE. You have to fling them off at night to sleep in the bed, they trip you over when you get up to take a whizz, and yet we repeat this ritual daily.

There’s no WAY you’d be flinging a $500 cushion on the floor for the dog to lick. That thing needs its own special cushion case and night time ceremony with trumpets and string quartet to put it somewhere safe.

The other cushion kingdom witnessed last night was from Darren and Dea’ who presented a smorgasboard of EIGHT cushions.  Because, you know, the ONE that you use to sleep with just isn’t enough.

On pinterest, cushion kingdoms are everywhere.

Nine cushions may seem like a lot, but others put it to shame.

Here’s a pretty rhyme:  White and grey, white and grey.  Eleven cushions on display:

And then sometimes, the bed alone is not enough.

I’m not opposed to things looking nice. I like a good cush on my tush.  But this situation is getting out of control. It’s a cushion cluster-F*&.

Let’s do some maths.

Say you have eight pillows on your bed.  On average, it takes 12 seconds to throw them off the bed at night.  Then in the morning, once the bed is made, let’s say it takes an average of 45 seconds to find them and place them back in their rightfully aesthetic positions.

Say you’re in your mid-thirties.  Let’s calculate this based on the average life expectancy in Australia of 80 years old.

If you spend 57 seconds every day arranging your pillows, across your lifetime that is 11.317 days you are spending arranging decorative pillows.

ELEVEN DAYS PEOPLE.

You can have your cushions. I’m having my 11 days.

Are you a decorative cushion person? Go on, tell us. How many do you have? (And how much did you pay for them?)