The countdown has begun.
Season 2 of The Bachelor Australia kicks off in 11 days, you guys. ELEVEN DAYS. And you know what that means…
I can now crawl out of the foetal position I’ve been in for the last 12 months and once again resume my glorious reason for being:
Nothing brings me more joy than watching some muscles with a head trying to navigate the complex and seaplane-filled world that is polygamous love on The Bachelor. Nothing, except maybe writing about every clearly-scripted line to camera and emotional… halting… for… effect… Osher voice-over for your reading pleasure.
I feel like we went through something together last year, you guys. Something… special. And as I watched Ali make the ultimate sacrifice by breaking her leg for true, shirtless, muscly love, I thought to myself, “This is what I’m meant to be doing. This is where I belong.”
So, get the Passion Pop ready and lock this date in your diary:
Wednesday 30 July 7:30pm
THE BACHELOR IS BACK. Which means I am too. Because Bachelor.
This year’s man is called Blake. He has a voice like Barry White and works as a real estate person/model.
A slashie. Perfect.
Still not excited? Here’s what you have to look forward to my friends:
1. Copious amounts of contemplative beach thinking about life, love and the dilemmas that come with dating 25 girls.
SO MUCH BEACH THINKING.
2. All travel taking place via seaplane/helicopter/catamaran. Or, if there is a desert location, camel. Always romantic camel.
Only a seaplane will do.
3. Osher explaining the complicated maths needed to understand every single rose ceremony:
“There are six… of you left… There are five roses… Only five of you will get one of the… five roses. That leaves… one girl remaining. That girl will not… have a rose. If you do not have the rose… you are the girl who didn’t get… the rose. You will be saying… your goodbyes.”
Osher. Glorious Osher.
4. Someone who you are 99% sure has a secret love dungeon, two fake passports and a plan to get some Bachelor sperm (aka my hero in life, love and boobs Ali).
#AliForever
5. Someone who gets drunk and just doesn’t give a f**k (aka my hero in life, love and slurred speech Jolene).
Got pissed. Made fun of everyone’s back-fat. Left.
6. Trying to pick which ladies the producers are trying to hide until they can get rid of them because they have zero crazy to offer. Anyone remember Katherine? Me either.
Who the f**k was Katherine?
7. TEARS TEARS ALL THE TEARS! There’s nothing quite like watching a lady cry as she talks about how deeply in love she is with a man who is currently on a date with 5 other women that she wasn’t invited on because she didn’t adequately prove herself in a bikini dodgeball challenge.
Much tears. Much blonde hair.
I. CAN’T. WAIT.
If, like me, July 30 just feels way to far in the future, click on the link below to relive all of our fun from last year:
ROSIE’S 2013 BACHELOR RECAPS. (You know you want to…)
See you soon!
Top Comments
:D Awesome!!!! So excited...the and humour that comes from the making some fun of the contestants makes it that more entertaining!! I hope Blake finds true love with one of these lucky crazy beautiful women.
And hey! We are all a bit crazy! LOL
Looking forward to the recaps, last seasons were hilarious!
Although having said that, if I'm gonna have to deal with the "because...(blah blah blah)" I may not bother with the recaps....enough already