Mamamia recaps The Bachelor: An intruder arrives and the rest of the women COMPLETELY LOSE IT.

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We open on Zoe-Clare remembering that time she ran around the mansion accusing a woman of colour of discriminating against her. 

"HERE'S THE LINK TO MY GOFUNDME."  

Sweetie is here, and he's jealous excited that one special lady is about to get a date with his new tall friend. 

"HE'S JUST SO TALL."  

The clue is "your gift from the heart got my attention". Laura says that rules her out because she didn't give him "shit all". 

Bella gets the date card because she's literally his future wife. 

Locky picks Bella up in a boat, and they do a sail. Which is nice I guess. 

Back at the mansion, the group date card has arrived. 

Laura says she's been going down a f*cken rabbit hole thinking about her life with Locky and her picket fence and also her Porsche. 

via GIPHY

Areeba is the last name called out for the group date and Zoe-Clare seems... unfazed. 

GURL.  

Bella arrives back from her single date, and one woman is so annoyed at the prospect that she kissed their shared boyfriend that she's completely forgotten how to use words. 

"I'm pretty sure they had a caesarean."  

IT'S GROUP DATE TIME. 

Or more accurately it's that wonderful time of the year where Osher orchestrates a series of complicated and completely unnecessary photo shoots so the women can bitch about each other etc etc.

This year's theme is... romantic comedies. Osher explains that after all the photoshoots one woman will be chosen to participate in the final special photoshoot with Locky. It sounds... suss.

In a wild twist absolutely no one saw coming, Areeba and Zoe-Clare are pitted against each other in the same photoshoot. 

Areeba is so excited she starts referring to herself in the third person. 

Zoe-Clare, determined to get her "snack", asks Locky to lift her up onto the bar. Obviously Areeba is chill about this. 

"USE YOU AS MY SOURDOUGH STARTER."  

Right on cue, some of the other women come over to watch and bitch about Zoe-Clare putting her hands on their shared boyfriend etc etc. 

The next photoshoot is a family dinner. Irena is playing Locky's date, Laura is the jealous sister, and Steph BLESS HER is the dad. She takes it like a champ and has a lol which is an infinitely more successful strategy for getting Locky's attention than calling people moles and accusing them of red-haired racism. 

"HAHA"  

After Locky stops flirting with Dad, he cosies up to Irena, which annoys Laura and she does a real good job of acting like the jealous little sister. 

"THIS IS BULLSH*T."  

In the third photoshoot, Roxi is playing Locky's fiance, and Rosemary is playing the shop assistant. 

In an unexpected turn of events, Rosemary steals the show and Roxi is annoyed because it was HER SPECIAL MOMENT with their shared boyfriend. 

Oh boy. 

Here comes the drama. 

Osher comes back to announce the final 'special' photoshoot is a wedding, but the twist is the bride IS A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT BLONDE WOMAN TO THE 13 BLONDE WOMEN WE'VE ALREADY MET. 

"THIS IS WHY I'M FIGHTING THE GOOD FIGHT."  

Her name is Caitlin and Roxi would like to "accept it into the tribe and then kill it".  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 

"THIS IS BULLSH*T."  

Steph is confused because she DRESSED UP AS A DAD. And Laura is going to run over her with her imaginary Porsche. 

After the photoshoot, Locky takes Caitlin away for some alone time and Osher abruptly ends the episode so the rest of the women can spend some quality time YELLING. 

UNTIL NEXT WEEK. 

Catch up on the rest of our recaps here: 

• Mamamia recaps The Bachelor Episode 1: One woman has an epic meltdown about the colour of her... hair.

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