The 7 things no-one wants to hear you talk about

Have you ever found yourself nodding your head in agreement with someone just to keep awake? Feigning interest while you try and imagine the person in front of you is interesting? Now before you start thinking that I am a big grouch who doesn’t like small talk – you could not be more wrong . Just ask the people who are forced to sit close to me, I find it hard to be quiet for more than about four minutes.  But maybe it’s because I have such a rich history of chatter that I have learned there are certain subjects that people should stay away from when hoping to engage other people.

1. Your children

Unless you are talking to your own parents nobody wants to hear about your children. People who have their own children are just waiting for you to take a breath so that they can tell you their own anecdotes. People who don’t have children don’t  get it, they don’t want to hear about your horror birth story any more than they want to hear about how your child does not eat their school lunch.

2. Your diet

Nobody wants to know about your latest diet, why you eat quinoa and not other grains, why you avoid soy but bulk up on legumes. There will be times when people ask you what you are eating – just tell them what you are eating right then, do not go into what you ate for the previous week. If people ask you about your diet rather than what you are eating, it’s because they want you to give them a quick fix, no one at all is interested in what you are eating on an hourly basis, only your dietician and that is because they are getting paid.

3. Your work day

The only person that might be interested in the ins and outs of your day could be your boss, but even then they only wants a précis.  Your partner may be interested in a summation of the day but it can usually be covered in a word – good or bad. If you meet someone at a function and they ask you what you do they only want to know your job description not the minute by minute breakdown.

4. Your dreams

This is a common trap for the young player, I think it may be because sometimes when you  dream about someone that memory  is only triggered when you see that person. Nonetheless don’t fall for it.  It may be flattering that you dreamed about me but it also may be creepy. And really – what kind of response do you expect from someone when you tell them you dreamed about them?

5. That time you won a race in high school

Unless it was the New York Marathon or you are currently in high school and talking to your trainer, nobody wants to know that you were once fit and fast.

6. Your medical history

I don’t have to go into this one do I? Unless I am your doctor I don’t want to know about your insides. Or anything untoward on your outsides. It doesn’t mean that I don’t care about you or your health, it just means that I am queasy.

7. The novel that you are writing

It has often been said that we all have a novel within us, this doesn’t mean that you need to tell people the contents of this imaginary book when you meet them. On this subject there are many aspects you need to refrain from speaking about: why the book hasn’t been published yet, how you don’t get any time to write,  how you use paper and pencil rather then a computer. No one wants to know, they just want to concentrate on their own book (and they will probably steal your ideas anyway).

Are there things that people talk about that you just don’t want to know about? Because last night I dreamed that…..