When do you know when your kid is old enough to have sex and wants to have someone sleep over at your house?
This question is perplexing many of my friends at the moment, the ones with teens around 15, 16, 17.
As with most parenting dilemmas, I had to figure this one out on my own a few years earlier than my friends because their kids are mostly younger than my eldest. I’m not sure if I got it right or wrong. But I’m happy with my decision and I’m happy to share how I came to making it.
My son had his first serious girlfriend at age 16 and she was a year older than him. It was a lovely relationship and lasted almost a year. The first time he asked if she could stay over, they had already been together a few months. I said sure and then I made her sleep on the couch in another room.
I have no idea what happened after I went to bed but I can guess because I’ve been 16.
Luca rolled his eyes at the fact he even had to go through the motions of separate rooms. He thought it was ridiculous. But I was adamant.
Until I wasn’t.
You can follow Luca on Facebook, here.
I thought a lot about it. And eventually I realised I was being silly. I was also being a hypocrite.
Top Comments
Sorry, completely irrelevant to this discussion, but I just wanted to praise you for the article about the non-heroism of cadel evans and sports stars in general - couldn't agree more, and very sorry to hear about the backlash. We definitely need more people that think about sport the way you do!
Why does the majority think sex is the be all and end all of human existence anyway? Ever heard of teaching something called self-control? We are not animals. I mean we are but we like to think we aren't. Self-control is an unfashionable skill in these hedonistic times, but it is actually very useful and important. How are you going to have a long, proper relationship and stick with that one person for life if you are always chopping and changing girlfriends and boyfriends every few months when you get bored with that person? When my parents got married they hadn't had sex with anybody and theirs was a lifelong, stable marriage. They were well into their twenties therefore, before having sex. Most teenagers don't have the emotional maturity to start having sex anyway. Sex is not a recreation or a sport believe it or not.
Oh come on, did you read what wrote? With most (not all) teenagers all they think about IS sex. Either they are doing it, wanting to do it or thinking there was something wrong with them if nobody wants to do it with them. As parents it's our job from an early age to be open and honest and be prepared to reply to the hard questions as well as provide them with the tools should they want to act on their feelings. Teach them to respect their bodies and not be afraid to experiment if they so choose. I believe you're fooling yourself if you think your parents weren't thinking about sex even if they never acted on it. Social norms of the day restricted couples acting on feelings out of fear of repercussions given that "marriage" was seen as the ultimate in coupledom. You're right in that teenagers don't have "emotional maturity", just lots and lots of hormones, so instead of condemning their thoughts and actions, give them the emotional stability to get them through this extremely tumultuous period of their lives.
there isn't a hard question about sex, the hard question is why the children [young people] are not guided at first to get an education.