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Dear Holly,
It’s the closed door that gets me. My beautiful boy is 14 and I feel like I’m losing him a little bit more every day.
We were always a family who did a lot of things together, and after the messiness of parenting little kids passed, I was really enjoying spending time with him and watching him begin to grow into a young man.
But then the bedroom door closed. I feel like I’m greeted mostly with grunts when I do manage to get him to talk to me, and he definitely isn’t interested in family time, complaining very loudly through movie nights or family things he used to like.
He’s into his friends and his video games and NOT his mum. I am freaking out, I feel like I’m losing him. How do I not panic, and know that he’s okay?
Thank you,
Worried Gardener.
***
Hello Worried Gardener,
(How good’s gardening? Make sure to share your worries with the plants.)
I have a clumsy analogy for you, my friend.
This year I’ve been making some content for Bob Jane T-Marts with my 14-year-old daughter, M. We’re both learning more about cars, and I am using the requisite car time to pump her for information… Sorry, I mean get her to listen to my considerable wisdom.
And recently, I was talking to her about alignment, because finally (it’s only taken me almost three decades of driving) I’ve learned how important it is to make sure your wheels are aligned (really helps with the smooth steering, who knew?). So I chose to torture the metaphor and talk to her a little bit about being aligned with values, both our family's and her own.
You see, your son isn't lost to you, he’s just pulling away — tugging at the bungee cord that is going to tether to him to you at varied lengths of stretch and tension for life, if we all do our jobs okay.