As I was trimming my beard on the evening of my 36th birthday, it struck me that I might have lost a bit of my sparkle.
My husband had asked me earlier in the week what I would like to do for my one special day of the year and I responded with “nothing”. As it turns out I woke up and decided that I wanted to go and buy some tea towels I had seen in the Bed, Bath and Table sale catalogue. So I rang my best friend and off we went, for a cup of coffee and some tea towel shopping.
You see, sparkle, not here, gone, departed. Sparkle has left the building.
I used to be so much fun, the wild one, the party animal, the bungee jumper, the risk taker.
Then I became a Mum and I changed, I became the sensible one or, as officially described in my house, the “safety officer”.
“Slow down, don’t ride your bike so fast.”
“No running around the pool.”
“Don’t eat too much you’ll get a sore tummy.”
My days are filled with endless instructions, guidelines and requests for my children to remain safe and out of harm’s way. I understand it is my duty (one that I take very seriously) and role as a mother to protect and be responsible but sometimes I crave to feel like that carefree person I used to be. I crave a bit of the extreme, some danger, late nights, maybe even an evening when your bestie has to hold your hair back. Just letting loose, going for it, screwing the consequences, streaking at a cricket match or something. Give me anything that doesn’t involve me being so responsible, so good, so well-behaved!
Last year I went out dancing with the girls (one might call this clubbing but I couldn’t bring myself to writeit), I was having the time of my life and dancing up a storm. You know those memes that go around with two pictures that say “What you think you look like when you’re dancing” and “What you actually look like when you’re dancing” – need I say more? I was in my element, shaking my booty until I looked down at my watch and saw that it was 3am. I told my girlfriends I had to leave and ran out the door like Cinderella as she left the ball, I flew past some random guy who yelled to me, “Where are you going in such a hurry?” to which I replied, “I’m taking my kids to see Disney on Ice in the morning at 9am”.
I had a secret vomit in the toilets at Disney on Ice but you couldn’t wipe the smile of my face that day. I had got my wild fix and the old me was rejoicing and the Mummy me felt back on track and ready to take on the linen cupboard for the hundredth time without too much resentment.
The past year has been a big one for me personally. When I haven’t been working, I’ve been raising my 3 children, and that’s about it. There hasn’t been too much time for play, or for me to feed my wild side.
Until last weekend.
I was on holidays with my family and we were happily swimming at the beach when I noticed some jetty jumpers. When we finished our boogy boarding session, I said to my boys, “Let’s walk over to the jetty and have a look at the jetty jumpers”. As we approached the jetty I noticed that all of the jumpers were either teens or very early twenties; every single girl was wearing a bikini and every single boy was seriously buff. I stood out like an old duck out of water, until,that is, I ended up in the water.
Out of nowhere I decided that I was going to give it a crack. With as much trepidation as I’d felt all year tightly held in by my floral one-piece, I clumsily made my way out onto the top of the stairs and stood there for what felt like an eternity. As no one had access up or down the stairs, the traffic flow had ceased and all eyes were on me.
Then the voice of the safety officer kicked in – “Bloody shark was sighted here a couple of weeks ago”, “What if you don’t land correctly and you injure yourself?”
“I can’t do it”, I cried out.
My husband replied, “C’mon, don’t be an old woman”. And that was all it took.With that one irritating comment I jumped and squealed like a pig the entire way down. I emerged from the water to hear a small cheer from a group of girls (the sisterhood is still alive in the young ones; the boys just stared at me blankly) and with that one leap I had tamed the wild beast within.
I’ve decided that this year I am going to try and preserve and harness my need, my need for speed (yes, I’m quoting Top Gun, you see my sparkle is back already.) I will be proactive instead of reactive to getting my fix. I can’t let myself get so wound up that I do end up losing my shit and streaking at the cricket or something else as ridiculously crazy. So, I’ve written my list of “controlled but wild things to do in 2014” and every now and again I will inject some unruliness into my world, to bring back some balance, but most importantly, to be me…as well as being a really good mother who trims her beard and buys tea towels on her birthday.
Taryn Brumfitt is the Founder of Body Image Movement, a global movement which teaches women to “suck it up” and love their bodies. “My role is to harness and facilitate positive body image activism, I’d like to think of myself as a loveable activist!”.
You can find her speaking at Corporate events, promoting her ebook “Body Lovin’ Guide“, wearing dinner plates or in the kitchen feeding her tribe of 3 under 7. She plans to take over the world, one fridge at a time with her positive and cheerful magnets!
What’s the last thing ‘wild thing’ you did?
Top Comments
Love this Taryn ! Can't wait to see what else you have up your sleeve !! Go Girl !!
this is so great - thank you for sharing your story and setting others free to consider where they fit on the crazy/sensible scale. I want to laugh more, let things go more, play more, let the child-inside-me out more often. Setting an example for our kids IS about keeping things in balance ... and that means a whole range of things to different people but it does our kids good to see us having fun - just not as much good as it does US to get out there and have it!! xx