If your partner is mute in the bedroom, send them this.

I was roaming the ever-vast, rolling plains of TikTok the other night when I stumbled on a little trend.

It was a saucy trend, and pls don't ask me why my algorithm fed it to me (I spend a lot of time in the spiciest corners of #booktok, okay?).

Before I even watched a video, the name of this trend sparked my interest:

'Talk Her Through It.'

Talk who through what? I thought. Could it be ME? Could I be being talked through ~something~ to a more satisfying conclusion?

Okay, I admit, I had an inkling as to what this whole thing might be about, but stick with me, because I watched the video, and then I did a search and watched some more. Next thing I knew, I was deep inside a TikTok smut vortex... And suddenly 'talk her through it' was my new favourite thing on TikTok.

Not because it's spicy (which, okay, we do love), but because it opens up a whole new dynamic for getting people talking in the bedroom. Or wherever you're doing it, idk.

Watch: Chantelle Otten's sex tips for couples. Post continues below.

'Dirty talk' might not be your thing, and that is obviously so fine, because not everything is for everyone! And of course, even if it gives you the ick, you would never shame people who like it, right? Because we don't yuck other people's yums around here!

But stick with me, because this is a new take on a tried-and-tested tool that's guaranteed to make sex better (we'll get to that).

And if you DO want to get your person to be, shall we say… more vocal, 'talk her through it' might just be your way in.

What the heck is 'talk her through it'?

You might've already guessed that it's just a 2024 term for something super simple: communication during sex.

That's it! Easy as that! And it can be so much sexier than it sounds.

Listen to the trailer for Butter, Mamamia's brand new erotic series — cumming 2025. Post continues below.

'Talking her through it' involves partners (typically men) verbally guiding their (typically female, hence the 'her') partners through intimate acts — but it has to be said, this 'trend' of open communication is definitely not limited to any one gender or sexual preference.

It's not just about dirty talk, as such; it's about describing what's happening, checking in for consent, and offering encouragement along the way.

A sexy narrator, if you will.

The trend has exploded on TikTok, with videos about 'talking her/him through it' racking up millions of views, and it's resonating with users for several reasons — but mainly thanks to its emphasis on communication, consent and the heightening of pleasure.

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Many women report feeling more empowered and in control when their partners communicate clearly during intimate moments — and in an era where consent and communication are (rightfully) at the forefront of discussions about intimacy, this provides a framework for partners to express their desires and boundaries.

Where did the trend come from?

Oh lawd, who knows?! Minds are spicy and TikTok is spicier! But if I were to wager I guess, I'd feel pretty confident saying it's got its roots (hahahahayes I am that immature) in D/s culture. That's Dom/sub, AKA a subsection of BDSM, for those not in-the-know. Before you freak out, hear me out, okay?!

Communication and consent are the absolute cornerstones of 'playing' safely in the BDSM community, and honestly, they're pretty great things to work into any kind of sexual interactions.

Checking in, ensuring ongoing consent, boundary setting — these all align with the 'talk her through it' trend's focus on verbal guidance and checking in during intimate acts.

Also, just while we're here: just because there are some parallels with BDSM culture doesn't mean you need to break out the whips and chains to try this trend (unless you want to, of course).

So, how do you do it… and what should you say?

Here's the kicker: talking her (him/them) through it isn't just one specific phrase or word. TikTok has (of course) offered up many suggestions — as have various reddit threads (many of dubious origins). But at the crux of it, what they or you should say is whatever gets you or them going.

This isn't about your partner telling you you're a bleeping-bleep who wants to get bleeped in the bleep, etc. Gosh no — not unless that's what you enjoy and have discussed beforehand.

For some, it might simply be, "You like that?" or "How does that feel" — which really just sounds like some super-respectful checking in along the way. Others might prefer light (or… heavy) instructions (ahem, "use your words"; "tell me how it feels", etc).

And yeah, others may prefer something a wee bit more hardcore, and THIS is why you have a bit of a chat beforehand to decide on boundaries, and discuss you think you might like or you'll… absolutely hate.

(Personal note: I can confirm that talking about your yeses and nos beforehand is… worthwhile. I had a partner once ask me if I "like it when he f**ks that c**t" and no, sir, I did not like that phrase at all thankyouverymuch. Which I told him afterwards and it was never said again, thank god. But heck, some people would lose their minds over those words!)

As one commenter on reddit said, "Find something authentic to you. You want to be as comfortable as possible and in the moment." This advice was seconded by a sex therapist, who added, "This is a great place to start. LOTS of men are very still/quiet during sex — especially hookups. If something feels good, sigh or groan or moan. Then start with the word 'yes'. Any time things feel good, murmur 'yes'. That can evolve into, 'God, yes!' Or 'Yes, you feel so good.'"

But above all, keep it authentic.

If you want to give this a try, start the conversation outside the bedroom. (See aforementioned horror story). Be specific about what you want — instead of saying "more passion," try something like, "I'd love it if you told me exactly what you're going to do before you do it."

And if your guy still wants more pointers about what to say, may I humbly suggest having them read some new-wave romance (hello, Hannah Grace and Emily Henry) or romantasy (ahem, Sarah J Maas and Rebecca Yarros)?

Because nobody knows how to 'talk her through it' like the men written by women 🫠