"No, I won't say sorry for taking my kids out in public".

My kids are loud and I’m not sorry.

Dear Man in the Café with previously-very-shiny-shoes,

I know that boiling point for many of us is different. For me it could be from waiting on hold to a phone company or from supermarket shopping with a three-year old. For you it was simply your shoes.

Read more: The one day of the week kids always manage to ruin.

There’s a temptation for me to say sorry again but I did that and it didn’t seem to work.

Yes, those shoes were very black and polished; the result, I am sure, of lots of scrunched up-newspaper and brushes and silver tubs of waxy black paste. There was work there sir, and effort and I appreciate that due to my children it was spoiled.

I can see that they were specially shined perhaps there was a meeting with your boss for a promotion, or a lawyers appointment, you and your shoes were going to make an impression. They were your aces.

But my daughter is three and three-year olds are busy and careless and messy. And three-year olds drop things. And one thing they drop consistently is full-to-the-brim-chocolate milkshakes.

It was difficult to discern who was the most upset between your howls and her cries. It was almost like having twins. Except sir, you had passed your 40th birthday many, many years ago.

We said sorry, through a quivering lip and weeping eyes. My distraught daughter even murmured an apology but to be honest her sincerity was questionable. Her only thoughts were with the milkshake.

But it wasn’t good enough for you. You left me wondering: what else I should have done?

The problem is that sometimes these days, as a parent on public outings,  you feel like you are walking on eggshells with a constant need to apologise for the existence of your child.

We’ve gone a full circle and then back a bit.

It was once kids-should-be-seen-and-not-heard, more recently us treating them like little buddas, our number one priority. But recently there has been a backlash where it almost feels like we need to apologise for having kids around.

Want the full story? These flying parents are making the rest of us feel a bit average.

There are cafés banning prams or children altogether.

There are those parents handing out notes on planes with sweet little earplugs and lollies to the other passengers in preparation for the onslaught of their newborn’s screams.

Just a month ago a note handed out on a plane in the US went viral.

It read “Hi stranger! My name is Madeline. I will be 1 on December 17th and this is my first flight. I’ll try to be on my best behavior, but I’d like to apologize in advance if I lose my cool, get scared or my ears hurt.”

Fellow passengers high on sugar were lulled into pacification as Madeline hollered her head off. You have to wonder what their reaction would have been to Madeline’s typical newborn cries had Mum and Dad not been so proactive?

Would the passengers really have complained? And if so, what could they achieve by complaining anyway? Only a fool would take a commercial flight and not expect a baby crying.

In the short sharp words of Frank Sinatra “that’s life” isn’t it?

I feel like I should don my virtual flack jacket before I write these words but really WHY should we have to say sorry?

Like this? Try: “Did you cringe when I sat next to you on a plane with my kids? There’s something I need to tell you.”

If an elderly gent reading his newspaper in a public square doesn’t like the sound of my laughing children perhaps he should retire to the quiet of his living room.

If a restaurant doesn’t appreciate children accidentally dropping crumbs on their blonde concrete floors then maybe they should remove the kid’s menu from their offerings.

On the whole, despite what you read on Facebook the children I see aren’t running riot or throwing food, they aren’t all pounding their fists against the trolley demanding a Kinder Surprise while Mum roams the aisles of Woolies – they are just being kids.

Of course there is always the odd one or two who sees fit to pull down the carefully stacked boxes of Coco Pops or is throwing McNuggets at his brother but it’s the exception, not the rule.

Want more? This man secretly filmed your WORST NIGHTMARE happening on a plane. 

Just last year a poll in the UK actually asked what would be the top ten places “that would be better” if kids were banned. Respondents came up with pubs, trains, football grounds, festivals, cars, IKEA, cinemas, supermarkets, pizza express and the school gate.

Seriously? What’s next? Shall we ban kids at the park? Gosh they get in the way of all those dogs don’t they?

Or at the beach? Who wants to stand on a sand castle anyway?

Why should we have to apologise for children being children? Is it because we are afraid of social media shaming? Is it because a brigade of parents are paving with their apologist natures or is it because that’s what we do these days whinge and whine about any easy target. And what’s easier than a three-year old crying over spilt milk?