We have some important news reaffirming why you can never, ever, win.
Attention women: Not accepting compliments from men makes you a bitch. But accepting them makes you a bitch too.
Such is the result of a small social experiment gaining momentum across social media today.
2o year-old Claire Boniface was bored of men offering unsolicited compliments on her online dating profile. She would usually ignore the messages because “they ‘[boys] have no interest in an actual conversation,” Claire told Mamamia.
The men’s reaction to her snub? Insulted, annoyed and even angry.
So, out of curiosity, Claire decided to start a social experiment called Agreeing With Boys When They Compliment You.
And it shows that as a woman trying to find meaningful conversation or relationships online – you’re damned if you do, and damned if you don’t.
The idea has sparked a larger campaign with other women adopting the strategy. Prolific tweeter Gweneth Bateman weighing in on the experiment:
It’s been taken up across social media with users posting the results of responding positively to men’s compliments and then being labelled as vain or unworthy of the compliment in the first place:
Claire says the reaction online has been extreme. ‘I have received a lot of insulting and offensive messages, which is ironic considering their issue with me is that I’m “rude”‘, she tells us.
Accepting compliments is hard enough, especially in a culture which doesn’t like people who boast. I know women who would rather take a belfie and post it online for the world to see than deal with the cheek-blushing awkwardness of receiving a compliment.
Our reluctance to accept compliments is more often that not a reflection of our own self-esteem and feelings of self-worth. Which is why compliments can sometimes suck the fat one: we feel unworthy, and that makes us feel weird about accepting them.
The overarching advice from etiquette experts and manners coaches is just, smile, say thank you and move on.
Which makes this whole experiment even crueler. Because while these women accept the compliments, believing they are worthy, they’re then told they are not.
Are you able to accept compliments about your appearance? What do you think these men’s reaction says about how we give and receive compliments?
Top Comments
How about responding with 'that's a nice thing to say, thank you' rather than 'yepp'. I would feel infuriated by that too. I think the problem here is that underlying compliments is that there is a certain vulnerability in offering a compliment by saying 'here's a part of me which I am showing to you, and in so doing putting you in a position of higher status'. Maybe on a dating website or whatever this is, things are a bit less sincere, but perhaps not. Having a compliment go unappreciated is similar to having a gift taken and no acknowledgement.
Here's a proposal, next time someone receives a compliment, regardless of the gender of the giver, or the context, respond with 'that's nice of you to say, thanks'. ...Unless of course it's aggressive or lewd or whatever. Some people genuinely just like to give compliments because they have been trained that it's a way to build rapport with others, and to make other people feel good about themselves. This so-called "experiment" is very irritating.
How about if a woman says yep you don't wish her dead and shriek filthy names at her?
How about you find your pride and stop grovelling so men will pat you on the head?
The flaw in this article / experiment is that the boys were not completing the women. They were throwing out a tag line to get a hookup.
Get a women to respond graciously to a genuine compliment in person and you will have a very different result.