Two chocolate-based conspiracies that will blow your mind. Do you remember these products?

Do you remember either of these two chocolate products?

Attention, universe. I seem to have uncovered two conspiracies.

Two CHOCOLATE-BASED conspiracies.

You see, some people like to reminisce about their childhood or their young lover whom they kissed behind the sports shed at recess. Not me. I reminisce about chocolate. Delicious, delectable chocolate bars that have disappeared from the shelves and are no longer available to me.

And recently, those trips down Chocolate Memory Lane have lead me to uncover two Government-level (I assume) conspiracies.

Chocoholics: Prepare yourselves.

CONSPIRACY ONE:

A few weeks ago my tastedbuds and I were having a reminisce about a chocolate bar called the Take 5. It is right on the edge of my memory, almost completely forgotten about, like the smell of plasticine or how to do maths. I remember the wrapper, blue like a Time Out bar. I remember it had two fingers in a packet (I swear it wasn’t the Time Out bar). And was sort of crispy on the inside, like five Maltesers in a row.

So I Googled it. And here is the conspiracy part:

Even Google doesn’t remember it.

I found two measly forums with chocolate reminiscers like myself. Both forums had vague recollections of the Take 5 similar to mine, of a blue wrapper and two fingers of chocolate with five Malteser-like bumps on each. But neither had proof. Each of them insisted, as I do, that it was NOT the American Hershey Take 5 bar (which comes up on Google), which has a red wrapper and peanuts in it. Sounds delicious, but no dice. I’m adamant about my vague recollection, and childhood friends I have spoken to distantly remember it too. Like plasticine, and maths.

Does anyone else have any memory of this chocolate-covered delight? Perhaps you were a Take 5 enthusiast? Perhaps you still have one in the back of your pantry? PERHAPS YOU’RE EATING ONE RIGHT NOW?

CONSPIRACY TWO:

And then, once I was questioning my very existence, I came across another conspiracy. I drank a crappy hot chocolate with a friend, and my tastebuds tingled with a memory. “Do you remember Cadbury Velvet hot chocolate?” I asked. She did. Together, we reminisced over a tin of actual chocolate flakes that would melt with hot water. Both of us would regularly get in trouble with our mums for sneakily eating spoonfuls of flakes straight out of the tin.

So I Googled it. ‘Cadbury Velvet hot chocolate’ had nothing. A product in the UK, which sounds the same, was mentioned in some forums, but no pictures or confirmation of the tins that were definitely in my Aussie pantry. Not even on the official ‘Cadbury discontinued products’ list.

I even rang Cadbury. My best friends, my baes. And even Customer Service didn’t remember it.

There may or may not have been a series of clicks on the phone, and then a quick scuffle, before a voice said ‘You know too much. Forget Velvet ever existed.’ (okay, none of that bit happened. But I did ring the Cadbury hotline, and they didn’t remember Velvet).

Take 5 and Velvet. I know you’re out there, somewhere. Any help with these unsolved mysteries would be appreciated. It’s obviously a conspiracy, covered up by the Government or the Illuminati. But they can’t fool me. My tastebuds never forget a chocolate product.

So. Does anyone remember these two products?

Here are some more discontinued Australian foods that we’re still sad about.