‘Post-natal depression’ is an imposing expression. You may have also heard it referred to as post-partum, or perinatal depression.
When we think of someone with post-natal depression, many of us picture a person unable to complete simple tasks, unable to get out of bed, unable to find any happiness whatsoever.
For some women, that unfortunately rings true. Post-natal depression can indeed be crippling and all-consuming. It can even be life-ending.
For others, however, post-natal depression looks very different. It can be dreading the moment your baby wakes up from its nap. It can be cloudiness or anxiety or just an ‘off’ feeling you can’t quite put your finger on.
Because, like many other mental illnesses, depression exists on a spectrum. You might not be constantly bubbly, or consistently down-hearted. It’s unlikely you’ll be elated at everything, or inspired by nothing. You’re probably going to be somewhere in the middle.
That’s the truth. But unfortunately, we’ve created a narrative; one whereby post-natal depression always looks like an inability to leave bed or put on clothes or feed a child. Many mothers are neglecting their mental health, and insisting they are fine on the basis they have the will to breastfeed their child.
And that’s a worry.
“We have this perception of what post-natal depression looks like,” clinical psychologist Kirstin Bouse says on Mamamia’s Year One podcast. “It doesn’t have to look like ‘not getting out of bed’… we can go through the motions; we can do the feeding; we can do the nappy changing. It doesn’t mean we’re not depressed while doing all of that.”
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This article rang very true with me. I was one of those people who could 'do everything' but felt no connection with my baby, and that was the root of my depression. I didn't feel a real connection with her until she was over 1 year old. I didn't share with anyone, except my husband, that I was being treated for perinatal depression (during pregnancy to this current time) until my baby was 8 months old & most people were surprised to find out- including my mother. I was very good at covering it up, which was exhausting and ultimately led to me being admitted to a mother and baby unit for intensive therapy. Thankfully I am on the right path now.
I reached out for help...a baby that wouldn't sleep more than 20 min naps, no help with the housework, stressing to the point my milk was dropping, up half the night with anxiety...to a family member.
I was yelled at, told that it was my choice to have a baby and that my life was going to be hard for the next 18 yeArs so I had better get used to it. That I should accept I would never leave the house again, never go out to lunch/ dinner/movie or see friends because that was what SHE did in the 80s. That it was my expectation of having a break, or having help, that was the problem and as soon as I accepted my new lot in life the happier I would be.
Thank goodness the clinic nurses had a different view.