We don't know whether to laugh or vomit at this video of Sophie Monk and her dog.

Today a thing happened on social media and I feel… violated.

Mostly because I love Sophie Monk. And I love dogs. And if someone was to tell me, ‘Oh hey, Michelle, Sophie Monk just uploaded a video with her dog’, I’d be thrilled! I’d think it was going to be cute and giggly and fun and adorable and giggly and fun!

And I’d be wrong.

Because today, dear reader friends, on our sacred weekend, the TV personality shared a dog video of a different kind with her 447,000 Instagram followers.

Of the hu…

… hum…

… humping kind.

*shudders*

"[My] Dad said he trained my dog", Sophie began her traumatic Instagram story compilation, before quickly proving that no, Andrew, you clearly did NOT train that dog.

P.S. Rupert, if you're reading this, you are not a good boy.

"Rupert what are you doing?" Andrew Monk can be heard asking as poor Sophie's back is disrespected in a way I refuse to describe.

"What about me?" she replied. "I'm just taking it. Rupert, what is wrong with you?"

WHAT ABOUT US WATCHING THIS? I FEEL MY EGGS BENEDICT COMING BACK UP.

If Rupert was humping (ugh that word) Sophie's leg, it would be fine. Dogs hump legs. It's a thing that happens and is funny and whatever. But, her back? No no no no no no no.

No.

Sophie, I'm so, so sorry Rupert did that to you.

Rupert, I could not be more disappointed.

If anyone needs me I'll be gagging under my desk.