'My son got expelled from school after being put in the "too hard" basket. He's not a "bad" child.'

When Kelly* received confirmation that her 16-year-old son, Kai*, would be expelled from school, she struggled to wrap her head around it.

She never imagined her own child receiving a suspension, let alone being asked to leave a school—twice.

Exclusions happened to "bad" kids, from "bad" families. But hers was a "good" family, and yet here she was.

For years, she’d felt the judgment pour down the phone or across the table, when the school called her in to discuss Kai’s behaviour, his disruption. 

Watch: Does social media negatively impact teen mental health? Article continues after the video.

As an educated professional, she knew it wasn’t her fault. Still, she found herself desperately explaining that Kai’s situation was unique, that his siblings loved school, behaved, and got good grades. But Kai had always been intense.

"In primary school, his unique characteristics manifested as quirks, rather than disruptive or ‘bad’ behaviour," Kelly says. 

But once he started highschool, things went downhill. 

"He was often disruptive in class. It started with too much talking, shifting in his seat, or playing with items like pencils and books, or taking things from other people’s desks," Kelly says. 

"The first time I had to come to the school, he’d scratched into his iPad, which was considered vandalism."

Overtime, Kelly says Kai got put into the "too hard" basket, and teachers began removing him from class. Concerned about her son missing lessons, Kelly requested he be lunchtime detentions instead, but this was denied. 

From there, Kai’s B grade average started slipping, and his attitude towards school declined too. 

"It became a vicious circle. The more he was pulled out of class, the more his grades slipped. The more his grades slipped, the less he cared about school. The more he got in trouble, the worse his attitude became, and the worse his attitude became, the more he got into trouble."

Kai felt targeted, and completely lost interest in school. Desperate for answers, Kelly took Kai to a psychologist, and he was ultimately diagnosed with ADHD and anxiety. 

"I took the report to the school, and we had a very lengthy meeting where we formulated a learning plan for Kai," Kelly says. But in the end, the detailed document was little more than that — a document. 

"There was a lot of talk, but at the end of the day, nothing changed," she says. 

The downward spiral continued, and eventually Kelly and the school agreed it was time for Kai to move onto another educational facility, so Kelly moved him from the small private school to a larger public school — one that claimed to have the resources and staff to cater for neurodiversity and other needs.

"He’d have moments where he’d be motivated as he has always responded well to praise and encouragement, but ultimately, he was so accustomed to negative responses, that he’d quickly talk back when teachers addressed disruption or other behavioural concerns," Kelly says. 

"He became combative and convinced the teachers disliked him and that he was too dumb for school."

Old patterns reemerged — similar behaviour, similar consequences. Disruption, suspensions, poorer grades, poorer attitude, more suspensions. 

"He eventually stopped wanting to go to school altogether."

Kai received two 20 day suspensions — one for constant disruption, and the other for filming a school yard fight—which Kelly says was the beginning of the end for traditional schooling.

No support. 

Image: Canva. 

Throughout the entire process, Kelly felt her son had been deemed a "problem kid" — someone to get rid of, rather than help. 

"Kai’s second suspension ultimately led to an exclusion, however they made us wait the full 20 days before advising us of that. That meant we had to home school him, while working and looking after our other children."

And with the suspension finishing at the end of Term 4, that left no time for Kelly to arrange another school for her son to attend the following year, leading to his missing even more learning time. 

"We were told his previous school would help to ensure he was placed—as the idea is all children are entitled to, and deserve, an education—but we heard nothing from them at all.

"Given his past, Kai had no interest in pursuing school, and had we not been proactive in monitoring his activities, at the expense of our jobs, I wonder what would have happened to him.

Kelly says the way Kai’s behaviour and neurodiversity was managed by his secondary schools only served to make the issues worse. Those negative school experiences migrated into other aspects of his life, impacting his relationships and ultimately his mental health. 

"I understand that teachers aren’t equipped to manage more difficult children, especially with such large class sizes. And Kai can be very difficult," Kelly says. 

"But having seen the way Kai’s behaviour, grades, and overall attitude declined through constant exclusions from class, I can see how young children in similar situations end up with more dangerous situations, such as criminal activity or drugs. 

"Many children in Kai's situation don't have family support — these kids are discarded and left to their own devices. Kai is fortunate to have a loving and proactive family, with the means to support him, but many children do not. I can only imagine where they end up."

The link between education and youth crime. 

Research shows school suspensions are on the rise across Australia. Youth crime is also increasing. Could there be a link?

According to Professor Lucas Walsh, Director of the Monash Centre for Youth Policy and Education Practice, the answer is "yes". 

"Students who are often absent are over three times as likely to commit an offense by age 17 than those fully attending school," Professor Walsh says. 

"The evidence shows that suspensions can often do more harm than good in changing a student’s conduct," he says. 

"As David Armstrong from RMIT points out, suspensions can have major long-term effects on students' welfare. Students with more complex needs, such as those with disabilities and mental health issues are particularly vulnerable.

"Shamefully, we see students with disabilities, such as autism, excluded by schools unable to respond to their learning needs."

At a basic level, Professor Walsh says schools are one of the main social sites where children and young people live and first experience citizenship. 

"They can also be places where they do not feel belonging or are excluded," he says. 

"School environment is significant, particularly in public schools who are required to accept all students. Teacher shortages and the sheer weight of expectations we place on schools exacerbate their ability to work with students with particular needs."

Professor Walsh says the structuring of mass education hasn’t changed in more than a century, despite the greater administrative and social challenges schools face. 

"Many schools are ill-equipped to respond to problematic behaviour from students who might require different approaches to learning and wellbeing."

Programs targeting personalised approaches to learning have shown promising results, says Professor Walsh. 

"But these approaches require governments to rethink basic assumptions of learning and pedagogy that could be antithetical to the ways many schools work and not fostered more broadly through standardised, broad-brush approaches."

Alternative educational options. 

Image: Getty

With the support and encouragement of his parents, Kai has chosen to repeat Year 11 through a trade college, but Kelly says if she and her son received the right support, Kai may have been able to continue with his education and graduate with his peers, without falling so far behind. 

"I understand mainstream schooling may not be able to cope with specific or more intense needs, but rather than wipe their hands from these kids, supporting them as they make more appropriate decisions can make such a difference to their futures. 

"Through our own research, we discovered a variety of schools specifically designed for, not only neurodiverse children, but children with behavioural or attention issues. 

"These schools cater for challenging children without judgment, giving them an opportunity to continue their education without being discarded, or deemed unworthy of time or effort.

"There is an assumption that disengaged children come from dysfunctional families or have parents who don't care, and this isn't true. But even children who do come from disadvantaged backgrounds deserve a chance to turn things around."

Unfortunately, having discovered these schools so late in the picture meant there were no vacancies for Kai, but after a long and arduous road, he's now back on track, and taking a different path to success.

"Some parents misunderstand that there are options and other approaches to support their child’s development. Parents and carers are sometimes unaware of these," says Professor Walsh, who believes mainstream education is not suitable for all students. 

"We need to question what grades are actually measuring — are they based on the growth of the individual, rather than, say, ranking by age, as the ATAR seeks to do? We assess what we value—so what do current measures of assessment actually say about what we value? The answer is that measures are often too narrow and sometimes outdated."

*Names have been changed to protect privacy. 

Feature image: Getty.