At 38, Alisha gave up on dating and chose IVF. Here's what surprised her the most.

After getting married at 28, Alisha Burns and her husband planned to start a family.

"I went through multiple rounds of different fertility treatments and finally was successful with IVF," she told Mamamia.

That's when tragedy struck.

"I unfortunately lost my son at 21 weeks; he was stillborn. And my marriage ended two weeks later."

It was traumatic for Alisha, who had always dreamed of finding "the one" and starting a family.

Watch: Liz Ellis talks about IVF on I'm A Celebrity. Post Continues after video.

While Alisha eventually began dating again after the separation, she couldn't find her perfect life partner. And as the years went on, and she approached 40, she felt she had a decision to make.

"My dad passed away suddenly when I was 38 and I realised I could keep waiting for Prince Charming, or I could just take matters into my own hands," Alisha told Mamamia.

"So I decided that day that I would try to become a mum on my own."

In an attempt to become a solo mum — despite the traumatic loss of her past — Alisha decided to try in vitro fertilisation (IVF) again.

"I thought, I'll do two rounds, and if it doesn't work, then at least I'll never look back and wonder, 'what if?'" she explained.

Alisha is certainly not alone in solo mum journey. According to Connect IVF — a Sydney-based fertility clinic — there has been a "steady increase" in single women undergoing IVF to start a family.

"Some women like to take the time pressure off themselves for finding the right partner or are just comfortable starting a family solo," Brendan Ayres, CEO of Connect IVF, told Mamamia.

"Many women are now heavily involved in their careers, and success in their careers provides the resources for them to start a family via IVF and integrate both into their lives."

But it is by no means a quick or easy fix. The IVF process for solo women has many "complexities around donor IVF, sourcing sperm, and the testing of genetic material".

Alisha certainly experienced some of these complexities during her own IVF journey.

During her first round solo, she was faced with a lacklustre sperm donor. "I wasn't fully happy with him, but he was kind of the best of what was available at the time," she told us — something that's perhaps not surprising, given the sperm donor shortage in Australia.

In Australia, sperm donation is completely altruistic, meaning donors can't be paid. And that means there's a big shortage.

"Currently, Australia is only able to supply around 50 per cent of the demand for donor sperm," Ayres explained.

"The balance is sourced internationally, and due to Australia's strict legislation, donors are fewer and supply is limited, and it's quite expensive. It is much easier and more affordable if a patient can find their own sperm donor."

Alisha certainly struggled to find an appropriate donor.

"I think a lot of people have this idea based on American movies and sitcoms that you get this massive book of donors that you get to choose from," Alisha said.

With limited options and an unsuccessful first IVF attempt, Alisha decided to take a few months off to relieve the mental and financial pressure.

"The hardest thing is that there's so much unknown and so much out of your control in the fertility process, and you're just absolutely trusting that doctor," Alisha said.

"But even then, they can't give guarantees that a baby is going to come at the end of it. Going into it knowing you're going to be spending thousands and thousands of dollars and may not get the outcome that you want is pretty hard."

The financial burden is made even harder by the fact that access to Medicare isn't guaranteed.

"Only if there are medical indicators of fertility health issues will a patient be able to access Medicare," said Ayres.

"As a result, single-parent IVF will likely be more expensive. This is unlikely to change in the near future as Medicare is designed to only treat medically necessary medical treatments."

So, when Alisha commenced her second round of IVF, she knew it would be the final time she made the financial and emotional commitment. Immediately, it felt different.

Alisha wrote a children's book to help explain solo motherhood through IVF, and other parenting styles. Image: Instagram/@noneedforprincecharming

"I started seeing an acupuncturist a lot earlier in the process," she explained. "She was really good, kind of from a mental health perspective as well, and was talking about the power of having feminine energy around her."

Mustering up all the feminine energy she could find, Alisha decided to make the process as "fun" as she could.

"I had girlfriends that came around, and we had champagne and made sperm cookies and went through all of the [donor] profiles and put them up on the wall in a big spreadsheet," Alisha recalled.

"I cut heads out of magazines and then gave them a name to help with manifesting that it was going to work. I think that was really important, because so many people who go into this can be quite secret about it. But this made it fun."

It worked.

"I picked a good donor, I ended up with two embryos, and one is my daughter!" Alisha told us.

Alisha's daughter, Alexandra, is now four years old. From day one, Alisha has been open with Lexi about her conception.

"I have told her since the moment she came home, even though they can't necessarily understand." Alisha told Mamamia. "The more you practice, the easier the conversation is.

"It'll be interesting next year when she goes to primary school because there will be other children around. But I really think this generation is just so open to all different family types, which is really refreshing."

Plus, it helps that Lexi is "very confident".

"She randomly told an old man reading a newspaper at the bus stop the other day that she doesn't have a dad, she has a donor. She's never going to remember a time that she was told that she was donor conceived. It's just all it is."

When she turns 18, Lexi can access identifying information about her donor father, if she chooses.

"Most of the donors that I've talked to have a genuine interest in the children created from their donations," Alisha said. "They don't think of themselves as a parent, but would like to be able to meet them at some point and tell them a bit about their family, because genetically, you know, they're half theirs."

Where Alisha lives, in Victoria, there is also a voluntary register where families can connect with others who have used the same donor. It was through this that Alisha found out Lexi had a half-sister.

Family dynamics aside, Alisha is raising Lexi all by herself. This means the financial and emotional strain is all hers. Confessing she would "love to have a second income", the solo mum reasoned that the financial investment upfront helps things in the long run.

"I think most people just get very good at budgeting beforehand," she explained.

"But it is a lot of pressure, and with the cost of living going up, and mortgage rates, it's not fun. I am finding a lot more solo mums are picking up side hustles and other ways to try and give themselves more income."

As for being the only one making the shots, Alisha actually sees this as an advantage.

Alisha with her four-year-old daughter, Lexi. Image: Instagram/@noneedforprincecharming

"You don't have anyone to negotiate with. You don't have anyone to compromise with, and you don't have a partner that potentially doesn't live up to your (maybe) unrealistic expectations of what a partner should be," she said.

"There's none of that toxic energy if you don't perceive they're pulling their weight. And, at the end of the day, after you get your kid to sleep, if you want to leave the dishes for three days and just go to sleep yourself, you can. It's kind of nice and freeing. Not having to manage a relationship on top of looking after your child can actually be beneficial."

But whether two parents or one, Alisa insists that it is "love that makes a family".

"It doesn't matter what the parents are made up of. As long as there is love and kindness for that child and they're given opportunities, that's what matters."

So, is she still looking for 'Prince Charming'? There was a time Alisha would've never let go of her dream. In fact, she was convinced she would meet someone while pregnant. But times have changed, she said.

"Now that I've got my daughter, I could not care less," she told Mamamia. "I'm not interested in dating. I may meet someone in the future, I may not. But for the first time in my life, I feel so complete and content in myself.

"I don't feel like anything's lacking from our life. I never, ever thought I would feel like that."

Alisha's IVF journey inspired her to start two online communities: Solo Mums Society, and Solo Mums Society: Considering and Creating.

"The latter is more for those people that are at the very early stage," she explained. "If your journey is not going well, you don't necessarily want to see women talking about their kids. You want to be able to go somewhere safe and talk about how hard it is.

"It's just a really safe and inclusive community where, even if people have differing opinions, they're really respectful of listening to others volunteering their advice, because we've all been through something similar.

"It's a really beautiful, supportive environment."

Feature Image: Instagram/@noneedforprincecharming.