If you’re forever telling your children they’re special, calling their teachers and enrolling them in after-school classes, we have… bad news for you.
You might just be a “snowplough” parent, and it’s not good for children in the long-term.
According to Madeline Levine, psychologist and author of Teach Your Children Well: Why Values and Coping Skills Matter More Than Grades, Trophies or ‘Fat Envelopes’, snowploughing leaves children in a position whereby they are not equipped to cope with the challenges of adult life.
Speaking to the New York Times on the back of the college admission scandal, the author explained that the parenting style can lead to children unable to cope with university.
“Here are parents who have spent 18 years grooming their kids with what they perceive as advantages, but they’re not,” she told the New York Times, adding that some children were unable to deal with dorm environments and even sauce on food, because their parents had protected them from things they were uncomfortable with.
In March 2019, Felicity Huffman and Full House star Lori Loughlin were among dozens of people arrested for a $US25 million ($A35 million) scheme to help wealthy Americans cheat their children’s way into elite universities, such as Yale and Stanford.
The scheme relied on bribes, phoney test takers and even doctored photos depicting non-athletic applicants as elite competitors to land college slots for the offspring of rich parents, and has been slammed by psychologists and celebrities alike.
Teacher and author David McCullough says “snowplough parenting” makes children “anxious, dependent (and) narcissistic”, The Australian reported in 2014.
In his book You Are Not Special, McCullough says the parents who fill their kids’ days with tutors and extracurricular activities may be harming, rather than helping, their kids by turning them into “achievement machines” who aren’t able to deal with failure.
“From birth they are strapped into the car seat and protected, driven and aimed in one direction,” McCullough said.
“Kids are not being allowed to come up with their own definition of success,” he added. “They have given up self-determination and willingness to explore their own interests.”
When they grow to adulthood, McCullogh says children whose learning was micromanaged in earlier life often find it difficult to cope.
“[At university] they besiege professors for extra lessons or expect a private tutor like they had when they were 17,” McCullough says.
“In some cases, they just drop out, seeing failure as a failure of the support system around them and not as their failure.”
McCullough made headlines in 2012, when a high school graduation speech he gave went viral, and that argues parents should try taking pressure off children and giving them “free reign” to explore their own talents.
“Let them follow their own passions and curiosities without … interference every step of the way,” McCullough says.
“Sometimes they will make mistakes. That’s OK.”
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Top Comments
I am really sick of so called experts suggesting that parents are doing a terrible job and that kids are messed up. They aren't. My son is in Prep and just about all the kids are great little kids. There is nothing wrong with telling your children they are special they soon learn from the world they aren't the centre of it anyway. Narcissists are mostly born not raised and parents consistently overestimate their influence. We love our kids and take good care of them and there is nothing wrong with that. I personally can't wait for the demise of the so called 'parenting expert'.
McCullough is brilliant...love it, love it. I am going to save this clip and show it to my son when the time is right. My husband and I both came from reasonably well off families but we grew up in a time where there was 1st thought 3rd and played sport where you either own or lost. We had to work hard for grade and to get where we are today. Our parents never forced us to do anything we didn't want to and to follow our dreams...if I failed at something my dad would console, then go through the 'failure' with me and give me a kick up the but to keep moving forward. This was the best thing for me, I knew he cared but also knew I wasn't special because everyone has failures as some point, or even events which are hard to deal with. Even now I'm nearly 40 he still does this from time to time. I know this, combined with being free our whole life to make our own choices has made us the successful worldly people we are today. We know we will have hard times, we know we with fail at many many things, but we keep on going, do the best we can, raise our son the best we can and give back to others when we can. None of this makes us special, it makes us human...so MCCullough is right...you are not special.