As a married couple, Jeff and I try to be honest about the ups and downs of our relationship. We’ve been married for 10 years, and together for almost 15. Although kind friends have said that we’re #couplegoals, no relationship is perfect or easy. But there’s one thing I don’t talk about, because I’ve felt embarrassed and worried that it’s not normal. And that’s the fact that we’ve been sleeping in separate beds for several years now.
It happened by accident. We bought a family home on the outskirts of Sydney, and we had an extra bedroom. We put a mattress in there, because I’d just had my second child, and relatives had offered to stay over and help me as I adjusted to life with a toddler and newborn.
Eventually, our visitors left. At the same time, my daughter (who was three at the time) started waking up at night and sleeping in my bed. My baby son was also sleeping in a cot in our room, and he would wake up in the middle of the night and scream. Jeff couldn’t sleep, and couldn’t function at work. So, Jeff moved to the spare room. We told each other that this sleeping arrangement was temporary.
To be honest, I was a little hurt at first. I felt rejected, and I missed him. Jeff felt differently. He loved sleeping in the spare bed. He said that the mattress was more comfortable, and he relished having his own space. He also said that I had a “snoring problem”, which is probably a gigantic lie, and cannot be proven seeing as I can’t see or hear myself do it.
(Okay, Jeff has offered to video me doing it, but I screamed “no!” Can you imagine the footage? How undignified.)
A year passed, and I had finally taught my daughter to sleep in her own bed. My secret is that I bribed her with many toys. It worked, and Jeff and I were back in the same bed again. We moved to Canberra, and continued to share the same bed at a hotel, rental house and the new house we eventually bought in the ACT.
Top Comments
I love my husband but if I had to share a bed with him any time soon I'd probably try and smother him with a pillow. Funny how hearing your kids breath and make funny noises in their sleep is sweet and calming, but hearing the husband is annoying as hell.
We currently have a 3 bed house. Me and our 2yo daughter in 1 bed, hubby in his bed and 4yo son in his bed. When I'm ready, or when our daughter is ready for her own bed, I think we need to move to a 4 bed house!
Whatever works for you guys is all that matters.
I think you do what’s best for YOUR family. I know other people will have their views about it, but unless they’re IN your family, it doesn’t matter. As long as everyone involved is healthy, happy and safe, it isn’t anyone else’s business. In many cultures, whole families sleep together.
In our family, the whole sleep training thing made ME more anxious and upset than anyone else, and that had obvious flow on effects for everyone else.
You do you. xx