'Sis, is this your man?' The Sydney Facebook group exposing narcissists, predators and cheats.

It was a simple post that saved an anonymous member of the 25,000-strong Sydney Facebook group 'Sis, is this your man?' a truckload of trouble and heartache. 

"Has anyone got any info? Des from Guildford. Just started talking." 

Accompanying the post was a photograph of a vaguely attractive, bearded 32-year-old man with an ultra-sharp fade and a glint of cheekiness in his dark eyes. The intel came in fast and furious. 

"Creepy AF. Has been stalking me on dating apps and social media for years. Can't take a hint when a woman isn't interested. Every time I block him, he creates a new profile and harasses me again. Steer clear!!! And pretty sure his name ain't Des," said one poster.

"He was a nut job back in the days, and sounds like not much has changed... run girl, RUN!" said another woman. 

"He's still doing the rounds. I'm certain he's also been 32 for about 15 years," advised someone else.

50 comments later, the OP posted, "Thanks, ladies! He's officially been unmatched lol". However, it wasn't just the OP who had been warned; the single women of Sydney who use dating apps also knew to steer well clear. 

It feels like the days before internet dating when men didn't have unfettered access to random women across an entire city, and their reputations often preceded them. Women would warn each other off badly behaved men. Avoid Ted; he's an absolute cad. Terry bashed his last partner, Tim's a womaniser, and Tom is a serial adulterer. 

Now, women are fighting back by warning each other of toxic male behaviour in the dating world by sharing their experiences online. The language from the past may have changed, cads are now f**kboys, gossip is tea, abusers are narcissists, woman bashers are DV abusers, adulterers are cheaters, and warning signs are red flags, but the sentiment of warning other women is the same on Sis, is this your man? as it was in the past.  

The truth is we're dating online and meeting men with whom we have no social connection so they can create false narratives, identities, hopes and dreams. Men also know how to manipulate women by being the epitome of charm at the start of a relationship, or womanisers will tell you anything to get you into bed before ghosting you once the deed is done. These days, men can behave without consequence because they have never been held accountable. 

Sis, is this your man? started in January 2022 after its founder, Louise, 38, from Chatswood. "I created this group thanks to my first-ever online dating experience. I was love-bombed hard by a guy I met on Bumble. Despite keeping my guard up and a massive distrust of strangers, he came across as genuine and caring. After two months of sweeping me off my feet, he wanted to be friends. He gaslit me so hard, making me believe that breakups happen daily, which he portrayed as normal in Sydney."

Watch: Dating: Translated. Post continues after video.

Over the last 20 months, the page has deeply resonated with women across Sydney who are fed up with the appalling behaviour of men.  Whether that sending unsolicited d**k picks, being wooed with a promise of a potential relationship when he was just looking for sex, being abused in messages when they didn't want to see a man again, being pressured into having sex, or just general, bad mannered shitty behaviour, women are now speaking out. And they're not afraid to name names and show the receipts, including posting messages threads. 

Indeed, the group admins actively ask posters to include the suburbs these men frequent so women can search if there is intel on the guy they're chatting to or planning on dating. It’s compelling reading, so much so the group have 350+ members joining daily.

Louise puts the group's rapid growth in such a short amount of time down to a unique blend of empowerment, support, and community vigilance. "It empowers women to make informed decisions, offers a safe space for support, and functions as a powerful community watchdog, making it a vital platform for personal and collective well-being."

In fact, Louise equates choosing a life partner to selecting a qualified employee for an organisation. "Just as employers conduct background checks to improve workforce quality and prevent criminal activity, our group serves as a platform for women to collectively gather and exchange vital information about individuals in their community," she said. "Members in our group share information about potential partners, raising awareness about cheaters, abusers, and predators in our community. By doing so, we protect and uplift each other, creating a safer environment for women in Sydney."

It also includes women who actively share previous partners' photographs and suburbs to warn women about abusers. Jess*, 45, of Macquarie Park, did just that when she publicly posted about her ex, revealing that he had serially cheated on her, stolen money, used drugs and was physically abusive towards her. 

While it was brave, she did worry he'd take revenge? "Of course, I was mindful of that, even with the ADVO. As far as I know, he hasn't found out about my post," she said. "But my thinking was if I could save one woman four years of being under the control of a narcissist, it was worth it," she said. “Interestingly, I was contacted by women who had been through a similar experience, so we’ve begun supporting each other.”

The group also makes for compulsive reading for women in relationships. As the name suggests, men in relationships using apps to cheat on their partners have nowhere to hide as women suspect a man is already taken, they post pictures, asking, “Does this belong to you?

Connie*, 34, Bardwell Park, a married mother of two, found out her partner cheated numerous times via the group. "One of my friends on the page alerted me that my husband's photo was on a post asking if anyone had any tea on Chris?" she said. "It was traumatic as it caused the break up of my family, which is still devastating as I never wanted my kids to be in this situation. But I'm grateful he was exposed by the group, as he'd been gaslighting me for years about his cheating. He'd made me feel delusional like I had the problem, but to have it confirmed with receipts from the woman he'd been talking to, but also from women he'd been with, meant I could finally move on."

However, being a group member can be disheartening with the constant roll-call of dud dudes behaving appallingly. "The stories we witness in our group do shed light on some concerning behaviour in relationships," admits Louise. "It's not about all men but specific individuals. It's disheartening to see the pain and anguish that some women go through due to the actions of a few."

Yet it is the camaraderie between the sisterhood that is a really positive feature as women lift each other up from some awful circumstances. Group members are up in the comments, bolstering the self-esteem and self-determination of fellow members, pointing out when they're being mistreated or disrespected, whether they are dating or in a relationship. 

However, some women also do the dirty. Despite the group rule that "Whatever is posted here stays on this group only and should not be spread. If your man or someone you know is found in this group on a post, don't tell him where you found the information. Snitchers will be banned," men also find out they are featured on the page through group members.

While it can be perilous for the woman posting, Louise and her admin team of five moderators also cop the brunt of the men's wrath. "Some have been polite and respectful in their requests for post-removal, while others have been less civil in their communication can cause nightmares for us, which is the worst part of being an admin," she said.

However, you must also consider that some scorned women may create false narratives for exes. "It's very challenging. While most of our members are supportive and respectful, some can be quite outspoken and occasionally cause issues by man bashing or bringing their disputes to the page."

Yet the benefits of a modern-day internet village of Sydney women spilling the tea instead of gossiping while drinking it can't be underestimated, according to Louise. "Sis, is this your man? serves as a critical platform for women to share information, support one another, and potentially save lives by raising awareness and empowering women to make informed decisions."

And we're all for it.

Due to the risk of defamation over posting in groups such as 'Sis, is this your man?', names have been changed.

Feature Image: Getty.