An open letter to Rachelle Louise, from someone who's been there

Simon Gittany’s girlfriend’s interview on Sunday Night left many people baffled by her unwaivering defence. But not this woman, who knows exactly what Rachelle Louise is going through, because she’s been there herself

Darling Girl,

What a mess you have found yourself in. I’m writing this letter to you because I’ve been where you are now, and it is without a doubt one of the hardest positions in the world to be in.

I have watched this case with great interest. For in Simon Gittany I see a very familiar person. A man that I dated, that I was completely devoted to, and a man that I am very sure is not unlike Simon in many ways.

Let me tell you who your Simon is. When you first met him he was charming and charismatic. You fell completely under his spell. He ‘saved you’ from whatever it was that you needed saving from. But, the world seemed to be against him, he was never in the wrong, it was always someone else’s fault.  You trusted that what he said was the truth, and everything seemed perfect for the first whirlwind couple of months, but then things started to change.

Then he started to exert increasing control over your life, and started to tell you that you were worthless, and that without him you were nothing. He would tell you that he was the best partner that you would ever have, and if you made him break up with you it would be the biggest mistake of your life.

With your access to your network of friends and family increasingly being restricted, the only voice of ‘reason’ you could hear was his.

When he hurts you, it's your fault. Why? Because you made him lose control, you deserved it, and actually, you hurt him more by failing to do or be whatever it was that he wanted.

Then his legal problems start, be they for bodily harm with intent or murder. Let's skip a lot of this period because it's all still very fresh in your memory. But what I can tell you is that all the effort that you and your family put into his defence wasn’t enough. You failed him, your parents are against him and want to split you up. All the money that you and your family funnelled into his case wasn’t enough, because it could never be enough.

In Simon’s eyes he is innocent. She forced him to throw her over the balcony, she deserved it. Am I on the money? I think I am.

But last year before Christmas he was taken into custody. The experience of visiting him there will never leave you, but it will fade. Now that he’s been sentenced he will be in a Maximum Security prison, due to the length of his sentence and the nature of his crime. You will visit him faithfully for many months.

Until it clicks. It clicks that, actually, he is poison in your life, and always has been. Leaving him will be extraordinarily hard, you will feel alone and worthless and continue to believe what he’s said about being the best partner you could ever hope to have, and that no-one else could ever possibly want such a horrible person like you. But then one day, probably with the sun shining on your skin and the wind in your hair, you will realise that you are free, and that actually you are worthy of happiness and kindness, and just how lucky you are that he went to prison so that you could have a second chance at life.

Just to clarify, Rachelle, right now just reading this letter will infuriate you. It will make you want to scream. So why am I writing it? Malice? NO. I’m writing this to you because you need to know that you are worthy, and that things will get better. Your life hasn’t irrevocably shattered around you, never to be whole again. If anything this is your chrysalis moment. Your time to shed your old skin and your old parasites, and emerge as the person that you want to be - stronger, and more beautiful inside and out - is coming.

People always say, “what doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger” and it's true, it does; but it takes time for you to be able to draw strength from your trials and tribulations.

- The writer of this post requested to remain anonymous for reasons of personal safety.

What did you think of Rachelle Louise's interview on Sunday night?