Hey! I see you over there. Put the plastic cap down.
I always thought that shower caps were something we used as children to protect our ears from soap and water and to give our mothers a break from constantly brushing out our tangled hair.
I assumed we all grew out of the shower cap industry and just avoided getting our hair wet like proper adults.
That was until I learned that my boss Mia Freedman still wears one. You can listen to her distressing shower cap story on the Mamamia Out Loud podcast.
Listen: Mia's upsetting shower cap story. Post continues below.
If that wasn't convincing enough to not use a shower cap then I have a few questions for you lot.
Of course, I don't want this to be a hit piece, which is why I've taken council with my friend (for now), desk buddy and You Beauty co-host Erin Docherty. She's also Mamamia's health and beauty editor which means she already has authority over me.
Watch: 4 reasons why you should pee in the shower. Post continues below
But these are the things I need to know from the grown adults still using shower caps instead of just leaning back like a normal person.
How are your eardrums?
My childhood memories (read: trauma) of wearing a shower cap were… very loud ones. Why does it sound like my entire house is shaking when the water hits it? Why does it sound like I'm starring in the third movie of the Twister franchise? Why can't I hear my inner thoughts when the shower is the one place I'm supposed to hear my inner thoughts? The loud drumming of the water droplets on top of my shower cap could wake up an entire graveyard.
Regardless of the noise, Erin has come to the defense of the shower cap saying "Okay but my cap keeps my hair COMPLETELY dry. As someone who doesn't wash their hair every day, it's a must for me. I simply can't just 'lean' away from the shower head — it just doesn't work. There's absolutely no way I'm able to carry out my showerly duties and wash my entire body/shave my legs, etc. if I'm not wearing a cap. And don't even try to suggest I just tie my hair in a bun — my hair gets curly at the mere SNIFF of moisture, and ringlets form right around my hairline almost immediately if not covered. And the kinks! EVEN if I wear a silk scrunchie. If I've pre-styled, it goes to s**t."
Where do you… store it?
Okay, I know that some of you have a "special" place for your shower cap. There is no way you're having guests use your bathroom with that God-awful neon-coloured obnoxious plastic object staring them in the eyes. Also, as a side question… why are they all neon-coloured (and ugly).
For those of you playing at home, Erin says, "I store mine discreetly on a hook behind my bathroom door so it's able to dry post-shower. I've had inoffensive silk shower caps (in cream or beige) but, yeah, my most recent is everything and more — a yellow and pink crown. Like, an actual shower crown."
Don't worry, I also had no idea what she meant by "shower crown" so she sent me this screenshot to clear the air… enjoy (if you can).
Do you hate the planet?
Yes, I use plastic too but do you know where I don't use plastic? On my head in the shower. Makes you think, doesn't it.
Why does it smell like that?
The one thing I do remember from shower caps is that… smell. Like a wet dog that's trying its hardest to not smell like a wet dog. If you think your shower cap doesn't have a smell well then I'm sorry to say that you've become immune.
Let's be honest… you always have wet strands so what's the point?
I know you have wet strands, don't even pretend you don't. The back of your neck, the side of your face, the top of your forehead. Do you know who doesn't have wet strands? Me. Because I don't put all my faith and loyalty into a piece of colourful plastic. What does it feel like to be betrayed every day by an object that only has one job?
Is this a new obsession or has it stemmed from your questionable upbringing?
Back to the childhood thing, if you were introduced to shower cap usage as an adult, what happened and are you okay? Blink twice to let me know.
Erin says, "I've literally worn a shower cap since I was a kid! Don't judge me! In fact, I used to just primarily bath as a child (idk why) but would wear a shower cap because I had ridiculously long hair and there was no way my mum was drying and plaiting my hair every night of the week."
On hair wash days do you think your shower cap feels lonely?
Don't worry I have the answer — it does feel lonely. Do the humane thing and pull the cord.
What do you do when your trusty shower cap is MIA?
Not all hotels provide those (even worse) single-use shower caps which is heinous behaviour if you ask me. So what do you do then? Let me know if you need me to teach you a range of leaning poses so you don't get your hair wet.
Don't worry, Erin has all the answers. She says, "If I'm at a hotel or somewhere that doesn't provide shower caps (RARE), I'll tie my hair in a bun (and get pissed at having to style out the kinks) or wash my hair and completely restyle. Which is just a whole thing. Side note: plastic hotel shower caps are the worst and never properly cover your hair anyway — I end up longing for my shower crown and just give in to the wash. One time I was in a hotel getting ready for a wedding and wanted to wash my tan off — I just had my hair done and there were no shower caps so I wrapped my hair up in a towel and wore it in the shower.
Are you a shower cap user? Feel free to argue with me in the comments.
If you want more from Emily Vernem, you can follow her on Instagram @emilyvernem. You can also follow Erin and her shower capping ways on Instagram @erin.docherty.
While we have you, give us a listen every Wednesday on the You Beauty podcast. Our show is called Tried & Tested where we put new products, hacks and trends to the test, so you don't have to. Don't worry we're not always arguing about shower cap usage (emphasis on always).
Feature image: Canva.