career

"My job is to have sex with people with disabilities. And I love it."

Hayley Jade has sex with people with disabilities for money. Sometimes they have orgasms. Sometimes she has orgasms.

When a client arrives, she tells Mamamia, they’re often nervous. Perhaps embarrassed. Some have never had sex before, imagining they never would.

Recently, she met with a client who was living with cerebral palsy who told her he had never had a serious girlfriend – something he regretted.

“I made sure to give him the attention he deserved,” Hayley says. “Like holding his hand in public and kissing him passionately in the restaurant just like in a real relationship.”

Hayley gives The Girlfriend Experience, advertising her services on her website as: “Let’s dress up and go dancing, put together a charcuterie board and watch Netflix, or get cozy in my boudoir and confess our secrets…”

She doesn’t remove her pubic hair, she shares, and she doesn’t wear high heels. “I’ve never met anyone in this business so natural, sexy and comfortable,” one client writes on her website. “I’m going to be in love for a little while.”

She also meets people with autism, bipolar disorder, anxiety, PTSD and a variety of other mental and physical disabilities.

Whether it’s a young man with autism, or an older man with a physical disability, Hayley believes that intimacy is a basic human need, no matter who you are. “We all deserve affection,” she says. “Especially those who are more likely to be isolated.”

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When they leave, Hayley says there’s a confidence that wasn’t there before. We live in an ableist society, she acknowledges, that sees people with disabilities as perpetually sad and helpless – as though they’re not entitled to happiness and pleasure like everyone else.

It is clients living with disabilities who are her favourites, not least because Hayley knows exactly what it’s like.

“I was drawn to sex work in my early twenties while trying to find a job that worked around being disabled,” she says. “I kept seeing ads for sex work, and although I wasn’t ready then I always had it in the back of my mind. I finally started escorting a couple years ago in my late twenties, and I’m really happy that I waited until I felt confident enough to do it.

“Part of being ready was having more life experience, part of it was healing from sexual assault and part of it was being on disability supports and not feeling like I had to put myself in a bad situation to eat.”

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Though she has not yet received an official diagnosis, doctors believe Hayley has multiple sclerosis, a condition of the central nervous system, for which there is currently no cure.

“I had 10 years of having invisible symptoms,” she says. From neurological problems like anxiety and ADHD, to chronic fatigue, her health meant that it was virtually impossible for her to work a standard full time job.

All she wanted was to be a contributing member of society, and that’s when she realised that the short hours required by sex work, plus the high economic value of what she was doing, was the perfect solution.

Being subject to the often hidden realities of disability has also helped Hayley process her own experience. She often sees people accompanied by a care aid who helps them on the bed for the session, and helps them off it when they’re finished. The more you see that, Hayley says, the more normal it becomes.

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She has found that when things go “wrong” it’s generally with men who try to persuade her into doing things she isn’t comfortable with – and they’re not her clients with disabilities.

“I met one guy on a sugar daddy site before I started escorting full time, where screening isn’t the norm,” she says. “When I screen clients I find that they are perfect gentlemen.”

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She has found the work ideal for someone with a chronic illness, who loves the company of people, but has limited energy.

Writing for Urevolution, she said, “As a person with a chronic illness who spends a lot of time feeling detached from her body, routinely taking sexy photos for ads and having regular orgasms with clients helps me to reconnect with my physical self.

“If I’m feeling disappointed in how my body is looking or behaving one day, my whole demeanour changes once I open that door and greet the client on the other side… In fact I have rave reviews despite sometimes dropping a glass, pulling a muscle or forgetting a word.”

Ultimately, Hayley tells Mamamia, it’s not actually sex that most of her clients are looking for.

“They’re looking for a genuine experience where they feel connection and intimacy. And just because they’re paying for my time doesn’t mean it’s robotic or fake. I genuinely like all of my clients and want to make them feel good,” she says.

Hayley also offers what she refers to as ‘preferred rates’ for women, people of colour, trans, non-binary, LGBTQIA+ and clients with disabilities.

“There are some groups of people who aren’t going to have the same opportunities,” she says. So she often provides longer sessions and lower rates to people that need it.

For Hayley, it’s never been just about money.

It’s about making people who find it difficult to date or to find partners who fully accept them, feel loved and desired.

Because in the end, regardless of your colour or your body or your sexuality, that’s all most us want.

 To learn more about the work Hayley Jade does, you can visit her on Twitter @thehayleyjade or at her website hayleyjade.ch.
Tags: disability , features , her-story
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