Listen to this story being read by Jessica Kingston, here.
When I want to mindlessly watch TV for an hour or two, there's one genre that I always turn to: real estate reality TV.
From Million Dollar Listing to Luxe Listings Sydney, there's no better mix than big egos, petty drama, and extravagant multimillion dollar houses.
The latest show to join my list is Selling The OC, the new spin-off to Netflix's fan favourite, Selling Sunset.
Watch the trailer for Netflix's Selling The OC below. Post continues after video.
The new series follows twins Jason and Brett Oppenheim as they extend The Oppenheim Group, opening an additional real estate office in Orange County, California.
Two weeks on from the show's release, I've watched every single minute of this show and I can't stop talking about it.
Here are six thoughts I had while watching Selling The OC:
1. There are far too many people.
After watching Selling The OC for four hours straight, I still struggle to remember the names of half of the agents on this goddamn show.
And whose idea was it to hire THREE women named Alexandra?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO KEEP TRACK OF THEM ALL?
2. Is this show even about real estate?
I started watching Selling The OC excited to see the best houses Orange County has to offer.
But despite being a real estate reality show, Selling The OC doesn't appear to be about real estate... at all.
While shows like Million Dollar Listing and Selling Sunset nail that perfect blend of extravagant properties and big personalities, Selling The OC seems to be 95 per cent focused on pointless drama.
In five episodes, I saw approximately three houses. AND ONE OF THEM WAS SHOWN MULTIPLE TIMES SO IT DOESN'T COUNT OKAY.
To add to that, the show's "real estate agents" don't seem to do any work. Most of the time, they're attending house parties or dinner dates or beach days and seriously, can somebody please explain how The Oppenheim Group hasn't gone bankrupt when virtually no one is selling houses?
I'm here for the real estate porn. I don't need to see grown adults giving each other "noseys" on the beach. (More on that later.)
3. Can somebody please explain why Rose and Jarvis are so hated?
On that point, much of the drama revolves around the show's alleged "villains", Alexandra Rose and Alexandra Jarvis, who are hated by pretty much everyone at the office.
But after eight episodes of this sh*t, I still don't quite understand why Rose and Jarvis are so hated.
Everyone bullies them? For no reason??? I DON'T UNDERSTAND.
Rose and Jarvis are the MVPs. Despite being picked on all season, they carried the entire team. And if you can't see that, did you even watch the same show?
4. On that note, the most likeable person on the show was pretty close to being the resident office cockroach.
Yes, The Oppenheim Group appears to have a cockroach problem. (I'm not sure if announcing that your brokerage is infested with cockroaches is the best business decision, but hey, you do you, Jason.)
5. Come on, Jarvis. You are not a water sommelier.
Although I do want to defend Rose and Jarvis, I have a bone to pick. Specifically, with Jarvis.
In one episode, Jarvis proclaims that she thinks she was a water sommelier in another life. She also shares that she spent $6,000 on a water machine that "keeps the molecules small" in water.
Okay, first of all, you clearly don't have the qualifications to be a water sommelier. And second of all, that machine sounds like... a load of sh*t.
Just hear what water sommelier Martin Riese has to say:
@martinrieseofficial We need to get her trained up a bit, but I am happy to help #sellingtheoc #netflix #watersommelier #water #hydration #h2o #martinriese #fyp #foryou #fy #foryoupage #trashtv #oppenheimer ♬ original sound - Martin Riese
6. I need a Netflix series featuring Brittany Snow reacting to her husband's bullsh*t. Immediately.
Brittany Snow's husband, real estate agent Tyler Stanaland, is a cast member on the series. And let me tell you... Brittany. Deserves. Better.
Throughout the series, Tyler was repeatedly seen flirting, cuddling, and canoodling with his female co-workers.
He also received a number of "noseys" - a practice that involves getting your nose blown into by another person.
And, look, I just have a lot of questions.
1) Who the f*ck invented noseys? Was it someone from The Oppenheim Group? I've literally never heard about this sh*t before.
2) In what crazy world is giving your co-worker a "nosey" deemed acceptable? ESPECIALLY IN A GODDAMN PANDEMIC.
3) And does The Oppenheim Group have a HR department? Because they probably need one, tbh.
What did you think about Selling The OC? Let us know your thoughts in the comments.
Selling The OC is available to watch on Netflix now.
Feature Image: Netflix.
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