Why (and how) you should spend this evening pleasuring yourself.

I’m not particularly fond of the word ‘masturbation’.

It has a lot of stigma and baggage. It’s also a little goal-orientated. It’s a clinical word, which doesn’t sit with the idea of self-pleasure for me.

I am, however, a huge fan of “self-pleasure” and “self-celebration” when it comes to self-exploration. Because that’s what we’re doing.

Self-pleasure is the most beautiful, wonderfully exciting, totally nourishing and loving gift you can give to yourself. Exploring your sensual, gorgeous body and allowing yourself to experience its divine sensations is incredibly healing and transformative. It is also the most common sensual practice in the world.

Yet many of us have major issues towards self-exploration. It’s seen by some as unnatural, unhealthy or (even worse) unnecessary. (Post continues after gallery.)

On-screen orgasms, that got us talking…

What I have most trouble understanding about our gender’s apparent hesitation to explore the depths of our nether regions is the sense of guilt it creates. Right up there with large Big Mac meals or blowing rent on overpriced designer shoes, self-satisfaction reigns supreme on the shame scale.

My question is… why?

We have, after all, emerged free from the shackles of sexual suppression of our fore sisters, educated, confident and eager to take our lives into our own hands… So shouldn’t that include our vaginas?

Damn right, it should.

Imagine you just bought a brand new fancy schmancy red convertible. It’s gorgeous. But you only ever allow your partner to drive it. Sometimes he drives too fast. Other times he drives in completely the wrong direction.

“Time is the greatest gift to sexual pleasure.” Image via HBO.

Then he was gone and you no longer had anyone to drive your car for you. You didn’t know how. You had no idea how to get her started or what fuel she used. It just sat in your garage, this beautiful, incredible car with all her power and pleasure unused.


So I say pleasure-shame no more, you sexy woman. Take charge of your body, your desires and cultivate a wonderful self-loving practice. The health-related benefits from self-pleasure include stress release, reduced menstrual pain, increased energy, better sleep, more body awareness and appreciation (yes!) and mood improvement.

Also, it allows us to dive in deeper to our orgasmic bliss. Quite often as women, we make love from our heads. We think about how we look, if we are doing it right, whether he’s enjoying himself. Self-pleasure allows you to think only about yourself and what is happening within.

It also gives you the gift of time. Time is the greatest gift to sexual pleasure. For a woman to fully open into pleasure, for her body to relax and soften into trust and to be ready to surrender to her sexual pleasure, she needs time.

FACT! Men can move through the process of excitement to orgasm in two minutes or less. Most females generally take much longer to experience a full, juicy and deeply satisfying sexual experience, usually around 45 minutes!

Tara O.

Self-pleasure can also be viewed as a form of sexual liberation. Women who self-pleasure have more interest and desire for sex. They gain more pleasure from partnered sex too and have a better self-image and self-awareness. That’s because every time you self-celebrate, you send a message to yourself that you are worthy of pleasure, that every part of you is sacred and special. Remember the dopamine!

So know that all the reasons people think you shouldn’t do it aren’t valid. Not just that, they aren’t even truthful. Raise your head high, place your hand low and enjoy the freedom to touch your own body!

And because I’m just that kinda of person, below is a fabulous self-pleasure ritual to get you started. I’ll take you step by step to awaken that sexual energy and get you radiating with yumminess! A reminder again that your body is yours to touch, explore and celebrate however you wish. I urge you to discover it. The gifts of your body are endless.

Practice = Pleasure!

This excerpt is from Tara O’s debut book Wildly Irresistible – 6 keys to becoming the happiest (and hottest) woman you know, now available as an ebook or paperback on iBooks (Apple), Kindle (Amazon), Google Books and Google Play or on her website

For more posts like this one, take a look at these:

There’s a new word for female masturbation. And we couldn’t think of anything more fitting.

Masturbation. Or- why you shouldn’t delegate a job you can already do yourself.

People are hailing this vibrator the fix for orgasm-less sex.

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